The 50 Plus Male

Last week my Inbox contained an email that  brought a smile to my face.  My barber Ben, who some time ago had the foresight to start a business website to serve as the primary vehicle for his customers to book appointments and provide easy two-way communication access with his clientele, was planning to close early on an upcoming Friday to attend his fiftieth high school reunion.

Next April welcomes my fortieth reunion…the mere thought of forty years having passed since graduation causes me to shake my head in utter disbelief, not dismay mind you, just incredulity as to where the time has gone.  I can only imagine how fifty years is hitting Ben.

My high school’s reunion committee has dutifully remained intact and has provided yeoman service in organizing these class events every five years. My best friend of the past forty-some years, Jeff, is a member of the committee and I’m always kept abreast of the latest reunion news.  I’m proud to say that I’ve attended all but one of these soirees and am a better man for having done so.  I state this for simple, yet essential reasons…

Reunions are thought by some to be trivial in nature, holding no importance other than momentarily reconnecting with only those closest to you during your high school years.  I suggest this avenue of thought does not hold any weight.  A reunion, especially for us 50 plus males (and females) is an indicative milestone, and shouldn’t be regarded as an incidental snobbish milieu, as oft-expressed.  They are a chance to celebrate that “we’re still alive and cooking” and can render emotional and spiritual benefits as a by-product of the surprising magnitude of physical bonding that can take place if you can just let go of any trepidation or reluctance.  Don’t worry about possible recidivist high-school-like behavior; people do mature…so have you.

When I married, my intent was to proudly have my wife accompany me to my reunions.  After attending one function, Neets remarked that I’d probably have a better time without her (definite “code speak” that she was bored, though I made an effort to include Neets in as many introductions and conversations as possible). While I didn’t agree, I have consequently attended the last few reunions solo, and while I yearn for my wife’s company, the exuberance and friendliness I have encountered among my classmates at each reunion has been so remarkable that I now understand what Neets was suggesting…it’s a time for me to truly “live in the moment” and cherish fond memories of years gone by. 

So Ben, I understand the excitement you expressed to me during my last haircut; becoming a golden oldie (which my class will soon discover) is a badge of honor; it sure as hell beats the alternative.  Go forth and celebrate!

-Neal 

The topic for this post is very personal; it details my current career strife. This isn’t, however, the reason I chose to compose this piece.  My purpose is to enlighten you to a resource that may help  your mindset function in a more productive manner if you’re one of the many 50 plus males who have been laid off during the economic crisis and have consequently had to make drastic lifestyle changes.

First, an important note:  I’m not complaining in any way; perspective is key here.  Neets and I have cut back on many expenses, and our financial worries have exacerbated well beyond “normal” levels.  I choose, however, (and I’ll admit, some days it’s a bit difficult) to focus on an oft-stated thought by a respected ex co-worker…”you woke up today, it’s a good day!”  This sounds simplistic, but that’s far from the case.  The reason this reflection doesn’t always resonate as it once did is because it no longer echoes my own daily philosophy of living:  “as long as you’re not part of the first ten minutes of the 11:00 news, it’s a good day.”   Those of us who have faced layoffs are now a crucial ingredient of those first few minutes…

Here’s a suggestion; familiarize yourself with the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series by Robert Kiyosaki.  I’m not proposing this in the vein of becoming a slavish devotee to the latest self-help guru or fad.  Kiyosaki writes from the best perspective of all, personal experience, and many of the tenets he espouses help open up new roads of thought in determining your career path.  All of his maxims focus on the transition to an entrepreneurial  business philosophy and what is mentally and emotionally required to guide you in this pursuit.  He does note that the best way to do this is to keep your full-time job while starting a part-time business, but today’s economic climate makes his mode of thinking apropos to those of us who no longer have this luxury.

The book series has too many insights to discuss in this post, so I’ll mention some of the key general points Kiyosaki outlines that serve as an umbrella over the multitude of specific guidelines:

1. 1.  A reason people are not as successful as they would like to be is simply fear—such as the fear of failing or the fear of making mistakes.

2.  Do not think that all of the stars have to be aligned before starting a business.

3.  Focus on the pursuit of opportunity and don’t be driven by the need for control over resources (look for opportunities even if you don’t have all of the resources you think you need)

4.  Learn to pursue freedom as opposed to security.

5.  Always be an active learner; there’s no such concept as graduation day.

Let’s face it guys, “not exactly the easiest list of items to wrap your mind around” is an understatement.  I’m merely suggesting that a new economic order requires a different way of thinking, even at the 50 plus age level.  I’m the first to shout “but you need to do what it takes to put food on the table and pay the bills.” I’m also now quick to realize that old modes of thought probably won’t cut it anymore in the long run…

(A large portion of the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series is available at your local library, so there is no need for any monetary outlay.  You can also visit the Rich Dad web site for additional information.)

-Neal

My first sign was that I had become a step slower; the younger guys were beating my defense.  Then came more telling signs such as hamstring pulls, cramps in my calves and finally, a torn rotator cuff (which required an operation resulting in the insertion of four pins into my shoulder).  In short, the mind was willing, but the body was not…basketball, football, it didn’t matter; I simply wasn’t the “old me.”

A relatively new term, “boomeritis,” has been coined by a well-known and respected orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Nicholas DiNubile, who has treated members of the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team and Philadelphia Ballet.  The term refers to what Dr. DiNubile, in an msnbc.com article by Lisa Daniels, calls a mind-body mismatch that describes the alarming increase in sports-related injuries suffered by middle-age patients (i.e. boomers).  Many of us 50 plus males fall into this category.

Let’s face it, we all would like to turn back the clock and athletically perform at the same levels as we did 20-30 years ago.  To this end, many of us push ourselves beyond acceptable limits in our efforts to remain physically fit.  Walk into any health club and you’d be amazed at the portion of   members comprised by people 50 plus years of age. Have you noticed the large number of “mature” men and women competing in 10K races and even triathlons in your locale?  This certainly isn’t a disturbing phenomenon, it’s just that we’re not following proper exercise regimens in many cases.  Some of us are also totally caught-up in our work during the week and have consequently become weekend warriors.

In a Sept. 20th article in The Philadelphia Inquirer written by Lini S. Kadaba, 60 year old Los Angeles-based sociologist BJ Gallagher is quoted as saying that “intense physical exertion is to be expected by folks who have traditionally broken the rules…we’ve defied authority and now we’re attempting to defy Mother Nature.”  The key is to listen to your body and know when to exercise (pardon the pun) some restraint.  You know that eating moderately will help keep your weight down; doesn’t it follow that moderation in physical activity will help reduce your chance of injury?

For many of us, our DNA won’t allow us to stop pushing ourselves when it comes to workouts or participation in sports.  We need to learn that vanity and ego have to take a back seat to common sense.  It doesn’t necessarily mean any loss of swagger, just less immobility and discomfort.

-Neal 

Over the past few weeks, we have evidenced cases of seething anger at town hall meetings held nationwide to discuss restructuring our healthcare system.  These outbursts haven’t been isolated to just a few instances.  Newscast after newscast has shown significantly sizable portions of attendees at many of the gatherings, well-represented by males 50 plus years of age, almost taking on a mob mentality.

Entertainment and sports broadcasts have also provided an increasingly disturbing share of rage and otherwise rude behavior…Christian Bale’s tirade at a co-worker while filming a movie is a prime example, as is the recent case of Serena Williams verbally blasting a lineswoman during a tennis match.

I know what you may be thinking: of course we’ve seen many 50 plus males “losing it” at the town   hall meetings, after all, healthcare is a sensitive issue and becomes more acute as we age.  Christian Bale has long been known as an intense actor given to the occasional eruption.  Serena Williams is generally thought of as one of sports more gracious figures and her behavior, which occurred at a key point in her semi-final match at the U.S. Open, was an aberration.  However, the obvious question lingers; is any of this a legitimate excuse for these actions?

As a 50 plus male, I’d like to think that my generation has the experience, fortitude and most importantly maturity to contain much of this behavior in our own lives.  Notice I didn’t say all of it, just most of it; there are obviously circumstances where anger is indeed justified.  Most of my friends are what I define as “slow-burners;” they are not prone to immediate Mt. Vesuvius-like explosions of fury.  I’d like to think I fall into this behavior group, but it’s honestly only come about as I’ve grown older and become more tolerant.  Don’t mistake this for folding under pressure or not being capable of holding our ground, we just try to do it by first exercising some common-sense and grace.

It seems as if we all need to collectively take a deep breath and re-visit the words “courtesy” and “decorum” in the dictionary.  As a 50 plus male, I suggest we need to lead and not follow; now if  only I can remember this edict the next time someone cuts me off on the road so I allow my horn to do all of the talking instead of my social finger…

-Neal

In the wake of the recent collapse of the financial marketplace, many of us have naturally become more skittish about how to handle our investments. This is especially true for the 50 plus male, as the market downturn has made our upcoming retirement years uncertain, and in many cases simply vanish. Never before has the general investing public been made to feel as if they are being “gamed” by the big boys on Wall Street and suffering the resultant consequences of financial transactions made by the few causing irreparable harm to the masses.

In the past few weeks, a new area of concern has been getting increasing attention from the financial pundits. While I’m sure quite a few 50 plus males are aware of this technological innovation that has encroached upon the financial markets, many of you may not be as cognizant. I am not presenting myself as a financial expert or sounding any alarms; I’m just providing some exposure to an activity that until fairly recently stayed hidden from most of us.

I speak of “high-frequency trading,” a practice defined as making trades in microseconds (think of this as the ability to transact buy and sell orders thousands of times a second) through the use of supercomputers and highly sophisticated algorithms. This trading can include not just stocks, but commodities and currencies as well.  Why has this garnered so much attention lately? The answer is straightforward considering we’re addressing the financial marketplace…ever increasing profits, even in the midst of the recent market collapse, coupled with what is becoming an outsized share of daily trading volume (recent estimates have this at more than half of U.S. stock-trading volume). 

High-frequency trading isn’t just practiced by the remaining Wall Street behemoths or better-known hedge funds. Newer firms specializing in this trading as market makers have become major players. Without getting overly specific, high-frequency trading involves utilizing spreads of fractions of a penny per share in many thousands of trades a day while simultaneously restraining how much capital is being risked. The concerns center around whether this activity helps or hinders the market’s efficiencies (such as liquidity, spreads, etc,) and whether the average guy is getting the best pricing when buying and selling. Adding to this confusion are by-products of high-frequency trading such as flash orders, which is another high-speed type of trading where certain exchanges let traders quickly expose (no more than half a second) their orders to other players in the market.  This has raised red-flags of “front-running,” whereby the big boys get better pricing than you or I by trading ahead of the general public.

Many of us have a sizable proportion of our savings in mutual funds. Many of these funds are now using “dark pools,” yet another outgrowth of high-frequency trading to combat the marketplaces that cater to high-frequency traders. Dark pools are places where a fund’s managers can buy and sell large blocks of stocks ‘anonymously” so as to avert letting the market know about these big moves and hence altering prices.

There are many articles you can search for on the internet dealing with this subject matter. I have referenced “What’s Behind High-Frequency Trading” by Scott Patterson and Geoffrey Rogow in the Wall Street Journal. “Wall Streets New Masters,” written by Liz Moyer and Emily Lambert in the September 21st, 2009 edition of Forbes has provided another excellent information resource.

In sum, while all of this market activity has raised the antennae of the SEC and various politicians, the jury is still out on high-frequency trading activities. Once again, the rule of the day is “caveat emptor” (let the buyer beware) when determining how to handle the equity portion of your portfolio. I just pray we are not getting the short end of the stick.

-Neal  

Remember when you went to the movies as a kid?  You always went with your buddies and choosing a film was never a problem; you effortlessly came to common agreement nine times out of ten.  Now, as a 50 plus male, it’s a whole different story.  We generally no longer attend movies with just our buddies; we go as a twosome with our wives or (for the single guys) whomever we’re dating; anything more than a twosome means joining other couples.

This change of venue has brought about a conflict for many 50 plus males:  we tend to get the short end of the stick when decision time comes for movie choices. Our “better halves” most times dictate that we attend a “chick flick” as opposed to a “guy movie.”  My wife, Neets, is not one who even enjoys going to the movies, as she hates the lack of cleanliness found in many theaters along with the frequently noisy audiences.  But on the odd occasion that we do go to a movie, violence, sports, and silly comedies aren’t on the table for discussion. “Lighthearted,” “romantic,” and “anything with Meryl Streep” define the boundaries of the OK-to-see list.

The upshot of this discord is that the 50 plus male’s principal means of watching guy movies is limited to when they’re shown on television.  All of this got me to thinking about my next top ten list for The 50 Plus Male (see My Top Ten post from August 7 for the first list):  Favorite Guy Movies of All-time.  This, admittedly, is totally subjective, but the name of the game is to encourage thought and discussion for all of you.  So, without further adieu…

10.  Thief (this is a sleeper pick, but is possibly James Caan’s best movie other than The Godfather)

9.  Predator (OK, Arnold isn’t the greatest actor, but admit it, this was an intense film)

8.  The Wild Bunch (no guy’s list would be complete without a Sam Peckinpah movie, and this was one of his best)

7.  Deliverance (Burt Reynolds did quality work as Lewis Medlock, and after the “squeal like a pig”/ “weee” scene I never looked at bacon the same way again)

6.  Wall Street (power, greed, corruption, ego…what else do you need?)

5.  Dirty Harry (Clint’s introduction of one of cinema’s all-time great characters along with his alter-ego, the .44 Magnum)

4.  The Godfather (other than chick flicks, is there a top ten movie list that wouldn’t include this one?)

3.  Slap Shot (lewd humor, sports, camaraderie, lewd humor…in short, everything most women would not want to see)

2.  Cool Hand Luke (Paul Newman at his best, the egg-eating scene, the chain-gang/car wash scene where George Kennedy in his Oscar-winning role as Dragline says “Anything so innocent and built like that just gotta be named Lucille.”)

1.  The Dirty Dozen (Lee Marvin and an all-star cast providing the ultimate in bravery and lunacy)

The chief quality these films have is that you’ve probably seen each one at least five times, yet would watch them another five times…they never lose their appeal.  Ultimately, if Neets lets me watch these classics over and over, I guess I can endure the intermittent chick flick.  That’s our current understanding with one another; no need to express “what we’ve got here is…failure to communicate.”

-Neal

I recently read an article written by Michael Smerconish in The Philadelphia Inquirer titled “Eulogizing Flawed Public Figures.”  He writes that with so many well-known public figures having recently passed, we need to take a hard look at how the legacy of some of these people should be judged, given they had troubling shortcomings in their lives that have to be weighed against the immense contributions they provided society. Mr. Smerconish cites Sen. Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson as examples.

This got me to thinking about how we’re judged by family and friends while we’re living, let alone when we leave this world.  Should our lives be assessed by our value system and sense of altruism? How about our careers and financial status?  Are you the quintessential family man and a friend everyone can count on?  Is a combination of these factors the ideal formula for making your case?  For the 50 plus male, having reached or surpassed the midpoints of our lives, this question of judgment can hit critical mass.

We all have our failings, and  personal inadequacies deserve some measure of thought when we determine the true value of a man.  I’m currently going through a career change that has proven more difficult than I ever dreamed; how much will my lack of success thus far impact how I’m thought of by family and friends against past triumphs?  Have you ever reflected on your personal state of affairs?  What are the elements you would take into account for any sort of self-appraisal; would those you know utilize these same guidelines?

I understand that most people don’t typically deal with this subject until the person in question has died, but as 50 plus males, we’ve lived long enough to provide ample perspective for our lives to this point. I’m reminded of a line spoken by Martin Sheen’s character in one of my favorite movies, Wall Street.  During an elevator ride, he turns to his son in the movie (played by real-life son Charlie Sheen) and says  something along the lines of “what you see is a guy who never measured a man’s success by the size of his wallet!”  It takes someone with seasoning (in this case the father) to impart wisdom to the younger man.

In the end, legacies are a combination of the subjective mixed with the factual.  Each of us has our own idea of the key ingredients for a life lived with meaning and impact.  All I  personally do is try to live each day knowing it will reflect on the true measure of the man…

-Neal