The 50 Plus Male

For many of today’s 50 plus year old males, fifty is regarded as “the new forty.” For the rest of us, fifty is fifty–plain and simple.  There are, however, decidedly different personal viewpoints that arise once we gentlemen hit the “big 5-0.” The most telling sign that our perspectives change is when a friend injects the comment “That’s not the way we used to think about it” during a conversation.

So, in deference to the inevitable, I present you with a list of some of the more poignant moments that capture these contradictions—please read in an across direction:

When you were younger than 50 years old…         Now that you’re 50+ years old…

“Nuff said…”

-Neal

Departing the “Single/Never Married” demographic group and entering the “Married” category didn’t occur for me until I was one month shy of my 36th birthday. This tidbit holds importance for two reasons: I dated for 18 years before meeting my wife, and I can honestly say I was ready to marry when the big day arrived. There’s a somewhat puzzling dynamic present within these two stages of my life, and I wonder how many 50 plus males join me in laying claim to this incongruity…during my dating years, I would often cook dinner at home for my “female companions,” while my married years have produced a notable dearth of kitchen activity on my part.

Inviting a woman home for dinner only occurred after we had enjoyed a few “standard” dates (going-out for dinners, drinks, movies, and shows) and reached a level of comfort and trust with  one another. I had taken Chinese cooking lessons in the evening at a township-sponsored course for adults for this very purpose. Wok cooking was relatively simple yet appeared fairly impressive; as long as I stuck to two or three tried-and-true recipes, I was master of my domain. Ethnic-style cooking only added to the aura of the evening.

A “time-out” is called for here; if you think I was cooking just to highlight my creative side, you’d be mistaken. If you think the effort was solely meant to underscore my growing feelings for the lady, you’d be half-right. I was also hoping the effort of preparing an exotic home-cooked meal presented under candlelight ignited the ultimate aphrodisiac…in other words, ”exotica for erotica.” Hey, if any of you guys are shaking your heads about now, you can quit kidding yourselves; admit it, many of you have tried the same…but as long as you remained a gentleman throughout the evening, couching this ulterior motive in thought only was basically harmless.

Flash forward through the past twenty-one years and you can count on two hands how many dinners I’ve prepared for my wife. I’m not even daring to count preparing simple pasta meals or being the self-proclaimed BBQ grill-master of the household; I’m referring to preparing a full-blown dinner from scratch. I do my share of the dishes and other clean-up chores, but for some reason, I have ceased to don the apron. I have a good friend named Frank, deservedly proud of his Italian heritage, who is a whiz at exhibiting a passion for cooking that would make his kinfolk proud. A sit-down at one of his (and wife Ina’s) dinners is akin to passing through the gates of Italian food heaven. My only problem is that my dessert many times consists of guilt topped with a layer of shame from a lack of similar effort on my part at home.

Don’t kid yourselves guys; take-out doesn’t count either in lessening the cooking load for your better half. At most, it grants you a day off from addressing the issue. But you’ll please excuse me if I don’t think about that now, I have to run out and pick-up the Chinese for dinner…

-Neal           

Author’s note: The 50 Plus Male recently was the recipient of some very exciting news! I have now become a contributing author to one of the ten largest internet portals dedicated to the “boomer-generation,” Boomer-Living.com. A mutual friend and fan of The 50 Plus Male blog graciously introduced me to Doug H. Fitzgerald, Ed.D, the President and Founder of Boomer-Living.com. The outcome of our initial discussion was that Boomer-Living.com would pick-up some of my blog posts and publish them on their site.

  According to Dr. Fitzgerald, “Boomer-Living.com was started to help baby boomers as they confront life’s challenges aging in the 21st century. I feel strongly that aging now is nothing like the aging of our parents.  It’s a whole new mindset. Most of the boomers I know want to remain active the rest of their lives. Many have chosen to continue working or become entrepreneurs, while others elect to travel.  Whatever the case may be, times are different, and Boomer-Living.com provides guidance and direction so that our members can make more informed decisions related to their own personal and family lives.  Our objective at Boomer-Living.com is to become the most trusted and reliable resource available today for baby boomers.”

Dr. Fitzgerald and I have begun exchanging ideas for future posts and look forward to a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. I have provided links to Boomer-Living.com for you above and under the Blogroll section found in the right-hand sidebar of each page in The 50 Plus Male. My listings in Boomer-Living.com can be found under their “Coffee House Blog” sub-header link.

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  The 50 Plus Male is proud to introduce a new feature to the blog, The 50 Plus Male Store. The store was formed by becoming a third-party affiliate of Amazon.com. This means that any purchases you make in the store will be entirely processed through Amazon.com (this is done automatically; you do not have to undertake any additional steps), so you may rest assured of the functionality and security earmarks built into the store. Initial product categories being introduced are books and magazines pertinent to the 50 plus male.  Additional category offerings will gradually be added. Once again, if you look at the right-hand sidebar on each page of this blog, you will see a small square entitled “The 50 Plus Male Store” immediately above the calendar—this is the link that will gain you access to the store. Even if you do not have any current purchase intent, I heartily invite you to peruse the items so you can get a feel for the look of this new feature. As always, I welcome any feedback and want to sincerely thank you at the outset for your support.

Finally, as promised in an earlier post, we will soon have a good friend of The 50 Plus Male, Josh, from Spirited Cocktails (Dedicated to the Craft of the Perfect Cocktail), serving as a guest contributor for an upcoming blog posting on a social rite holding great significance for 50 plus males, the Cocktail Hour! Josh is an expert on providing step-by-step instructions for creating one-of-a-kind cocktails that will quickly become new favorites in your arsenal.

-Neal

“Oh no…this just can’t be happening” I thought to myself.

So I clicked on the play button and watched the video a second time. “Oh no, no, no” I silently repeated, simultaneously shaking my head from side to side for further emphasis. As soon as my second viewing ended, I could feel the same look of stupor that had crept across my face after the first viewing begin making its curtain call.

I was tempted to call my wife into the office so she could see the video, but after 21 years of marriage, I knew what Nita’s reaction would be; “see…see, now you know what women go through every day.” I would fully understand such a response, but it would have done nothing to allay my unnerving over what I had just seen.

The video in question was made by VideoJug, a British company (with offices in the U.S.) that produces online informational video content on a far-ranging variety of topics. Most of their videos offer step-by-step guides, and in all honesty, they are well-produced with a combination of tongue-in-cheek quirkiness tinged with humor, while providing clear concise instruction.

My problem with this offering was immediately evident in its title: How to Use Make-up–A Gentlemen’s Guide. No, don’t go back to re-read the title, you correctly read it the first time. A Gentlemen’s Guide!  I can’t state whether I was more agitated over the topic itself, or the voluminous amount of “tools” required to follow the regimen detailed in the video, to wit:

• Exfoliator
• Moisturizer
• Toner
• Cosmetic pads
• Concealer or Foundation
• Fine Make-up brush
• Matte powder
• Lip balm

As a 50 plus male, maybe I’m just experiencing a generational gap with my younger brethren. I am, after all, familiar with the fairly new-coined concept of “metrosexuals,” men who are pre-occupied with their appearance and pursuit of a hip urban lifestyle.  Like many of you, I keep myself well-groomed, but I know where to draw the line. I’d also like to believe our generation has enough experience and adventure under our belt to remain curious about new life experiences (travel, restaurants, books, music, et al.) that can be encountered at our whim if so desired, as opposed to  feeling pressured in order to satisfy the social criteria set forth by so-called arbiters of good taste.

While the video furnished the benefits resulting from daily use of the aforementioned products, I am still dumbfounded at the whole idea of men following what is typically thought of as a female practice. At this point, I have to ask, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Maybe my discomfort partly arose due to the perceived overt homosexual nature of the subject matter rather than completely stemming from feeling that some of the steps suggested were outlandish and unnecessary. I truly have no intent of opening up “a bucket of worms” here, no disrespect is meant toward any of you who embrace a gay lifestyle. To each his/her own—as long as no one is getting hurt, live and enjoy; but let’s be frank with one another, this isn’t the first time that “metrosexual” and “homosexual” have been used in the same sentence…albeit without any real basis.

If you are a consumer of male cosmetic products (boy, the mere mention of this as a product category causes me to shift in my seat) and reap the intended benefits, that’s great. Just don’t succumb to the barrage of advertising found in most male-oriented magazines or feel bound to bow to apprehension of keeping up with the latest grooming requirements as dictated by any of the media mavens or even your immediate social circle.  “Manning-up” means sticking to what’s right for you.

-Neal 

Many of you have no doubt read your portion of the flurry of articles dealing with the “sandwich generation,” those of us who provide care not just for our children, but our parents as well. A sizable slice of boomers have willingly accepted this dual responsibility, while others have shunned aside any efforts to do so and view the situation as a dilemma they either don’t have the means to handle and/or desire to engage.

According to an article by Sheri and Bob Stritof, authors of The Everything Great Marriage Book, who have furnished expert counsel in numerous publications, there are estimates that upwards of two-thirds of our generation will be taking care of at least one aging parent over the next ten years. Combine this possibility with other everyday concerns many of us face (ex. marital, finances, our own health) and you have a cocktail that is equal parts anxiety and bewilderment. 

Any of the major internet search engines will yield a bounty of resources on this subject. One aggregate site you may find helpful is at CNNMoney.com, which covers various facets of the puzzle such as social, legal, health, and financial planning.

My wife and I do not have any children; hence we are only dealing with one side of the equation—concern for our surviving parents. This is reason enough for why I’m reluctant to proffer any personal recommendations, along with not being an expert in the field. There is one piece of advice I can offer as a result of practice, however, and it stems for pure common sense:  communication is integral. It has to flow in every direction with all children, spouses and parents serving as road-markers. If you’re not broaching the subject out of fear, guilt, or general lack of obligation, nothing but trouble lurks ahead. Granted, not all parties may be amenable to the discussion, but you need to press on…

Family dynamics can be tricky, but the “sandwich generation” needs to remain cognizant that this is a minor obstacle compared to the difficulty and sometimes overwhelming responsibility of the choices that may lie ahead.

-Neal

“Happy times are here again”…no guys, I’m not singing the familiar refrain from the tune of the same name written in 1929 that served as FDR’s Presidential campaign song in 1932, has appeared in countless movie soundtracks, and is best known by our generation as the unofficial theme song of the Democratic party.  I’m in an upbeat mood because my hometown baseball team, the Phillies, clinched the National League Easter Division crown last night and are headed for the playoffs.  Let’s face it, October baseball is played at a much more entertaining and intense level than any other part of the season. 

This is the third straight year the Phillies have accomplished this feat, a mark of consistency generally not occurring  with great frequency in the world of sports these days.  Yes, we’ve had our  teams of each decade:  for example, the ‘70’s crown belonging to the Pittsburgh Steelers in football, and the ‘90’s crown resting with the Chicago Bulls in basketball.  The true kings of consistency in sports, possibly for all-time, are the Red Auerbach/Bill Russell-led Boston Celtics and the venerable New York Yankees of yesteryear baseball lore. I raise the consistency theme because it’s doubtful we will ever see real dynasties in sports again.  Nowadays, if a team is fortunate enough to win two consecutive championships, “dynasty” begins appearing in our sports columns.

While many of us 50 plus males have yet to reach senior-citizen status, we are old enough to remember when the makeup of our hometown teams’ personnel didn’t vary from year-to-year nearly to the degree it does today.  Now, in the era of big-money sports where owners and fans alike are thinking “what have you done for us lately,” we find ourselves in many cases rooting for this year’s rent-a-team, as player loyalty is no longer defined by playing on a specific team for the long-term; today it’s all about the dollars and serving as hired mercenaries to the highest bidders (admittedly, sports agents are major culprits here too). 

So, while the good times have arrived for fans of the eight playoff-bound baseball teams, how many of you are truly emotionally vested in the outcome?  Unless the core of your team has been home-grown through its farm system and buttressed with maybe a couple of key trades through the years, as opposed to the wholesale annual personnel moves that have become the norm, asking for your ardent loyalty isn’t warranted.  There’s nothing wrong with having passion for the game; sports after all provides a primary outlet for us to live our dreams though the pros and vent by the water cooler.  Yes, many towns still have rabid team fans, particularly for football domestically and soccer world-side, but we 50 plus males know the difference between frenzied behavior versus indisputable sentimental loyalty.

-Neal  

note:  “Happy Days Are Here Again” song facts courtesy Wikipedia