For many of today’s 50 plus year old males, fifty is regarded as “the new forty.” For the rest of us, fifty is fifty–plain and simple. There are, however, decidedly different personal viewpoints that arise once we gentlemen hit the “big 5-0.” The most telling sign that our perspectives change is when a friend injects the comment “That’s not the way we used to think about it” during a conversation.
So, in deference to the inevitable, I present you with a list of some of the more poignant moments that capture these contradictions—please read in an across direction:
When you were younger than 50 years old… Now that you’re 50+ years old…
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You barely noticed commercials for erectile dysfunction medications existed on television. |
You find yourself believing every other commercial on television is for erectile dysfunction. |
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You didn’t care that ads for erectile dysfunction medications were now run on television. |
You’ve begun asking your wife to please keep quiet during the commercial breaks for the national nightly news programs, because you’re beginning to pay attention to those erectile dysfunction ads. |
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You never heard of Muira Puama or Catuaba. |
You can’t believe you know these are Brazilian plants that supposedly improve the male libido. |
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You hated going plant shopping with your wife at the local nursery because of the severe boredom. |
You hate going plant shopping with your wife at the local nursery because while she’s purchasing the geraniums and petunias, you’re thinking of Muira Puama and Catuaba. |
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You could barely spell “urologist.” |
The head nurse at your urologist’s office now knows you almost as well as your wife. |
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You never really pictured “hanging” with a bunch of 75+ year old men. |
When you go to the urologist, you realize you’re the only 50-something man in a roomful of 75+year olds and ask yourself “what’s wrong with this picture?” |
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You could barely spell “proctologist.” |
You now have deep respect for the phrase “down periscope.” |
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Hugh Hefner rarely registered in your consciousness. |
“Girls Next Door” is must-see TV and you’re leading the local fund-drive to erect a monument for Hugh Hefner. |
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When your wife caught you admiring a younger woman, you said “hey—just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” |
When your wife catches you admiring a younger woman, you say” honey, the day I stop looking is the day you can bury me.” |
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Your wife thinks the above explanation is actually pretty healthy. |
Your wife says “look at her for one more second and I’m going to bury you!” |
“Nuff said…”
-Neal
