In an August 2009 post, Nothing Like The Sun, we began addressing health concerns pertinent to the 50 plus male (in this case, melanoma). It’s time to discuss another health matter just as relevant to us since doctors generally don’t broach the subject until you turn 50 years of age—the importance of undergoing a colonoscopy.
Colonoscopies, based on personal experience, are unduly dreaded; neither the prep work nor the procedure warrant the fingernail-chewing, raw-nerve reaction experienced by so many people when the subject arises. I’m not suggesting the prep and procedure is particularly pleasant; just rest assured your doctor will sedate you so you’re in la-la land while an invasion into the deep unknown takes place…it’s a journey where the good doctor so boldly goes forth where no man has gone before, well guy, it would make Capt. Kirk proud.
Let’s educate you on the basics: a colonoscopy is a procedure that allows doctors, typically either a gastroenterologist or a proctologist, to look inside the colon and rectum (note: the colon and rectum are the two main parts of the large intestine). The purpose is to detect early signs of colorectal cancer and diagnose any bleeding, changes in bowel habits, or pain emanating from your anus or abdomen.
You’ll get instructions from the nurse during the initial exam for performing a bowel prep prior to the procedure; this is to make sure that all solids are emptied from your gastrointestinal tract so the doctor has a clear view during this Invasion of Normandy. The prep will have you following a clear liquid diet for 1-2 days before the colonoscopy—fluids such as plain tea, bullion and certain sports drinks are allowed. The afternoon/evening before the procedure is when you’ll take a prescribed laxative (ex. MiraLAX) mixed with a 64 ounce bottle of clear fluid (such as certain types of Gatorade). You’ll generally be asked to drink 8 ounces approximately every half hour until the bottle is finished. Here’s a small hint—this is the portion of the prep that will drain you of any waste in your body, so it’s best to be home at this time. By the third intake of fluid, the gurgling in your stomach is about to erupt in a fashion that would make Old Faithful’s geyser pale in comparison! Wind sprints to the bathroom can become the norm. If people at work see you during this time, they’ll think you’re doing interval training for the 100m dash…
OK, the big day has arrived—here’s the good news—the worst is actually over. Once on the table (colonoscopies are many times an in-office procedure), you’ll lay on your left side and either be given a light sedative or you’ll be completely knocked-out (definitely my choice). The doctor will then insert a flexible lighted tube called a scope into your anus and slowly guide it into the colon and rectum. There’s a small camera at the end of the scope that transmits video images to a computer screen, enabling the doctor to view the intestinal lining and check for polyps, diverticulitis and other possible complications with your plumbing system. If necessary, a tissue biopsy can be taken and will be sent to the lab.
Recovery takes 30-60 minutes while the sedation wears off; once awake you may have some minor cramping or feel slightly bloated, but this quickly passes. Make sure you have a family member or friend along since you won’t be allowed to drive yourself home.
The general consensus among doctors is to undergo a colonoscopy once every 5-7 years after you’ve hit the big 5-0. Just like learning to ride a bike, it’s much easier the second time around. There’s no sense in fretting over such an important preventative health procedure. Like anything else in life, there’s always a humorous side…I was recently sent an email detailing some actual commentary to physicians from male patients at their colonoscopies that I’ll gladly share with you:
“Can you hear me NOW?”
“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
“You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”
“Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
“You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
“You know, in certain states, we’re now legally married.”
Finally, my personal favorite…”Could you write a note for my wife saying my head is not up there?”
-Neal
