The 50 Plus Male

I’m in the middle of a lazy, overcast Sunday morning putting the finishing touches on breakfast. It’s the one day of the week I have our paper (The Philadelphia Inquirer) delivered, providing  the opportunity to “lose myself” for a couple of hours reading through its entirety. The Currents section, offering editorials and commentary, and the Local News section contain articles that are unwittingly related to one another and spark the idea behind this post.

One article, written by Bob Martin, a former Inquirer writer and editor, is entitled “We could go  a long way toward being brotherly,” with the subtitle “Our orneriness drags us down.” It details Mr. Martin’s description of an older work acquaintance nicknamed “Slim” who has since passed on; a gentleman known for his blue-collar survival skills and fierce “addytood,” who had  his way of doing the job and damn anyone who sought to introduce changes mentality. A colleague of Mr. Martin’s noted at Slim’s viewing that he looked more at peace than anytime he was alive. It made Mr. Martin wonder “if this hard edge that characterizes so much of our region serves any useful purpose or does it simply drag us down?”

The second article, by Jennifer Lin, an Inquirer staff writer, is entitled “Flap over Specter’s ‘act like a lady’ comment spreads.”  Senator Arlen Specter (D., Pa.) recently participated in a radio talk show with Rep. Michele Bachmann (R., Minn.) and the discussion had turned to the health-care bill. Specter noted that Rep. Bachmann had said she voted for prosperity, and countered that prosperity wasn’t a bill. Bachmann, briefly talking over him, stated “Well, why don’t we make it a bill?” Specter immediately responded in a cantankerous manner, retorting “don’t interrupt me. I didn’t interrupt you. Act like a lady.”  A couple of additional barbs flew by, but you get the idea. Rep. Bachmann was taken aback by the the Senator’s arrogance and felt like he was essentially telling her to “just sit back and keep quiet.” National media outlets have since picked-up the story, calling Specter’s remarks “patronizing, demeaning and disrespectful.”

All of this begs the question of why civility isn’t exercised more often than hot-tempered, intractactable behavior in our normal discourse with one another?  I used to encounter this stark difference in my former job. I always enjoyed the easy-going, extremely polite cadence when speaking with clients located in the Southern U.S. versus what I encountered with some clients in the Northeastern part of the country. Mr. Martin’s article referenced similar instances of this type of pleasant demeanor experienced during a recent trip in Florida.

I’m not being naive…none of us have the capacity to always be “Mr. Happy.”  I’m merely suggesting, particularly as we 50 plus males age, it’s not a given that we naturally fall into becoming irascible old men with a “my way or the highway” mentality. Senator Specter could have courteously asked Rep. Bachmann to please allow him to finish before rebutting his comments. Thoughtfulness generally trumps sarcasm. This applies to many types of instances we confront in a typical day. I’m still in a learning stage, having recently been chastised by a couple of friends for my penchant of quickly saying “hello” when they phone and almost immediately turning the call over to my wife.

Guys, Mr. Martin is right…most times, exhibiting a hard edge can and should be replaced with genial behavior and respectfulness.

-Neal

What’s the first memory you have of last year’s Baseball All-Star game? Can you remember who won or the final score (hint: American League, 4-3)? Many people, myself included, primarily remember that broadcast for the criticism leveled at President Obama, who threw out the first pitch, for his “unfashionable” choice of jeans. So-called arbiters of fashion called them “dad jeans,” while others designated them as “mom jeans.”

President Obama, to his credit, merely shrugged his shoulders and stated that comfort rules fashion in his jean selection. I’m about to buy two new pairs of everyday jeans to replace the two pairs that have served me so well the past couple of years…that’s everyday jeans as in my “non-work uniform/working around the house” jeans, not dress jeans which I typically save for casual evening-out wear on the weekends. This upcoming trip to the store is what has me thinking about the President’s recent dilemma.

For years, my everyday jeans have been Levi’s 550’s–basic sit-at-the-waist/relaxed-fit in the seat and thigh/tapers below the knee jeans. I buy them because:

a. they’re comfortable

b. they’re comfortable

c. they’re comfortable and I’ve always thought they fit me OK

d. they’re comfortable and reasonably-priced and I can readily purchase them on sale at various department stores

e. I’m not a hip-hop kind of guy; I don’t wear my jeans around my knees

Upon hearing that I was ready to replace my old everyday jeans (I donate the used jeans to Purple Heart), my wife immediately lectured (chided?) me because “I have no ass,” and she’s never liked the 550’s. Mind you, this is not just a newsflash for me; I’m gleaning this information for the first time in almost twenty-two years of marriage!

If you’ve shopped for jeans lately, you’ve found a dizzying array of choices: straight-fit, relaxed-fit, loose-fit in ten different finishes…each with an accompanying model number. Quite frankly, given we just want to purchase knocking-around jeans, it’s waaay (sic) too much for us 50 plus males to absorb. I’m with the President; if they’re comfortable and look OK, along with knowing they’re going to get “beat-up’ over time doing man-stuff around the home…boom!…that’s what I’m buying. Sorry honey, the flat-ass look is still in.

_Neal

As we approach the New Year, many people are ruminating about recent misgivings and sins, simultaneously readying themselves for commitment to yet another list of personal resolutions. We all know how this generally works out…a couple of promises are pursued with purposeful intent while most of our list inadvertently falls by the wayside.

While each of us wrangle with our own efforts at righting the past year’s wrongs, I’d like to  leave The 50 Plus Male readers with a New Year’s present of some principles and instructions from The Official Rules by Paul Dickson, a collection published over thirty years ago. I’m dividing these gems for dealing with life’s struggles into three parts:  Everyday Living, Career, and Humorous Tidbits.

Everyday Living 

What man really fears is not so much extinction, but extinction with insignificance.~Ernest Becker

When inequality is the general rule in society, the greatest inequalities attract no attention.~ De Tocqueville

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.~Durant’s Discovery

The proof that you know something is that you are able to teach it.~Aristotle

If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it.~Chas. Kettering

A fool in high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody~Matsch’s Maxim

Unless you put your money to work for you—you work for your money~Miller’s Law

Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you’re not.~Professional’s Law

You can observe a lot just by watching.~Yogi Berra

Career

Pay attention to the details—your customers do.~S. Chowdhury

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.~Economists’ Law

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.~Sinclair Lewis

The longer the title, the less important the job.~McGovern’s Law

Our customer’s paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.~Brown’s Law of Business Success

In any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate to manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate.~Rodovic’s Rule

All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the working group.~Rosenstock-Huessy’s Law of Technology

The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him.~Public Relations Client Turnover Law

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.~Woman’s Equation

Humorous Tidbits

Never eat a a place called Mom’s, play cards with a man named Doc, or lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.~Algren

Anybody can win—unless there happens to be a second entry.~Ade’s Law

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.~Crane’s Rule

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.~Fischer’s Finding

The good parking places are always on the other side of the street.~Gumperson’s Law

Nice guys finish fast.~First Rule of Public Speaking

It works better if you plug it in.~Sattingler’s Law

You’re not drunk enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on.~Dean Martin

In closing out The 50 Plus Male for the calendar year, I want to wish all of you a safe, healthy, prosperous New Year. Thank you for your loyalty and support, my appreciation is limitless. We all hope for a calmer 2010 than the wild gyrations of 2009, but “while hope may be eternal, it’s not a strategy”… and remember you always need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.

-Neal

The current travails faced by Tiger Woods have become one of the lead stories for our national news outlets. On TV you don’t have to wait for the sports report typically airing during the second half of most newscasts; due to Tiger’s worldwide celebrity, he’s getting top billing along with our Mideast conflicts and economic woes.

I’m not surprised by this, but I am troubled. In the normal course of events involving a well-known public figure, it’s almost inevitable that true reporting of thoroughly checked details will soon digress into fodder for tabloids and other less venerable medial outlets. In Tiger Woods’ case, the (so far) implied salaciousness of the facts have already provided the framework for this habitual media activity…because news outlets (both legitimate and otherwise) are well aware that the public’s thirst for these stories is insatiable.

Why do we care so much?  Is it because we rejoice in seeing the mighty fall? I would first lay fault for this unbridled, yet disturbing public curiosity at the doorstep of what I call the “M Factor.” This is a term I’ve used throughout my working life whenever I encountered behavior in the workplace that was totally devoid of maturity…that’s how I define the “M Factor;” an absence of maturity in the situation at-hand. I seem to be in the minority when I state that I don’t think Tiger Woods owes anyone, other than his immediate family, an explanation for his current strife. I wasn’t always so blasé or easily forgiving; it’s just that being a 50 plus male has taught me what is truly important, and I now regard such “news” with near disdain.  I find myself wanting to shout “people, grow-up and act like an adult!”

Just think in terms of your everyday encounters, both personal and career-related, and how much more thoughtfully and pleasantly the day would have progressed if people learned to “leave their egos at the door” and act in a fully mature manner. I know what you may be thinking…emotion always comes into play, and that’s a big reason for the appearance of the “M Factor.” But those of us who have passed the 50 years of age plateau, having had the benefit of “seasoning” in what life has to offer, should be leaders in exhibiting mature ethical behavior.

I do not mean to sound condescending or judgmental. To quote Tiger, “I’m am not without faults.” My intent is to merely suggest we learn how to pause and think before we act…live the life of a rational, mature and responsible adult, focusing on the truly important aspects of our lives.

-Neal

I recently heard an announcer on one of our local sports talk radio stations initiate a new call-in segment with the listening audience called “I Just Don’t Get It.” He limited his list to sports personalities and storylines and kept his listeners within the same parameters. This got me to thinking about news items and personalities “I just don’t get,” while confining my choices to topics and people revolving around 50 plus males. 

These are some items that make me scratch my head in wonderment; please feel encouraged to submit any that you think of to The 50 Plus Male by clicking on the “Leave a Comment” link at the top of this post…

1. How has the Geezer Bandit (as I compose this post) alluded the FBI?

2. How anyone, let alone a 73 year-old, has run 400 marathons?

3. How did Tom DeLay last more than one week on “Dancing With The Stars?”

4. How Clint Eastwood continues to make movies that are qualitatively better than 99% of anything else currently playing AND composes his own movie soundtracks?

5. How does a 73 year old (must be some kind of magic number) Japanese guy become a leading porn star in his country?

6. How does Jack LaLanne keep going…it can’t be the Power Juicer?

7. How has Senator Byrd (D-WV) kept his seat in Congress all these years?

8. Whenever we think of Michael Douglas being married to a much younger Catherine Zeta-Jones, a rakish smile crosses our faces while a “not so small” tinge of jealousy emotes from our gut; whereas thoughts of Madonna and Jesus Luz produce outright laughter and guttural disgust.

9. Why some graybeard rock bands (Rolling Stones, Aerosmith et. al.) still carry on like they are in their twenties?

10. How ex-President George H. W. Bush (aka 41) still has the cajones to skydive every five years or so on his birthday? (Tip of the hat to him…)

11. Why guys over 50 are generally thought to lack technical prowess by the younger set, yet many of the kings of Computerland, USA (Silicon Valley, Redmond, etc.) like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Eric Schmidt, and Larry Ellison are over 50 years of age?

12. Now I’m reading that we may begin losing our financial smarts after the age of 53…anyone ever hear of Ben Bernanke, Hank Paulson, Paul Volcker, Paul Krugman, Jamie Dimon?

This list could stretch on ad infinitum; the point is…“I just don’t get it.”

-Neal

Author’s note: The 50 Plus Male recently was the recipient of some very exciting news! I have now become a contributing author to one of the ten largest internet portals dedicated to the “boomer-generation,” Boomer-Living.com. A mutual friend and fan of The 50 Plus Male blog graciously introduced me to Doug H. Fitzgerald, Ed.D, the President and Founder of Boomer-Living.com. The outcome of our initial discussion was that Boomer-Living.com would pick-up some of my blog posts and publish them on their site.

  According to Dr. Fitzgerald, “Boomer-Living.com was started to help baby boomers as they confront life’s challenges aging in the 21st century. I feel strongly that aging now is nothing like the aging of our parents.  It’s a whole new mindset. Most of the boomers I know want to remain active the rest of their lives. Many have chosen to continue working or become entrepreneurs, while others elect to travel.  Whatever the case may be, times are different, and Boomer-Living.com provides guidance and direction so that our members can make more informed decisions related to their own personal and family lives.  Our objective at Boomer-Living.com is to become the most trusted and reliable resource available today for baby boomers.”

Dr. Fitzgerald and I have begun exchanging ideas for future posts and look forward to a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. I have provided links to Boomer-Living.com for you above and under the Blogroll section found in the right-hand sidebar of each page in The 50 Plus Male. My listings in Boomer-Living.com can be found under their “Coffee House Blog” sub-header link.

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  The 50 Plus Male is proud to introduce a new feature to the blog, The 50 Plus Male Store. The store was formed by becoming a third-party affiliate of Amazon.com. This means that any purchases you make in the store will be entirely processed through Amazon.com (this is done automatically; you do not have to undertake any additional steps), so you may rest assured of the functionality and security earmarks built into the store. Initial product categories being introduced are books and magazines pertinent to the 50 plus male.  Additional category offerings will gradually be added. Once again, if you look at the right-hand sidebar on each page of this blog, you will see a small square entitled “The 50 Plus Male Store” immediately above the calendar—this is the link that will gain you access to the store. Even if you do not have any current purchase intent, I heartily invite you to peruse the items so you can get a feel for the look of this new feature. As always, I welcome any feedback and want to sincerely thank you at the outset for your support.

Finally, as promised in an earlier post, we will soon have a good friend of The 50 Plus Male, Josh, from Spirited Cocktails (Dedicated to the Craft of the Perfect Cocktail), serving as a guest contributor for an upcoming blog posting on a social rite holding great significance for 50 plus males, the Cocktail Hour! Josh is an expert on providing step-by-step instructions for creating one-of-a-kind cocktails that will quickly become new favorites in your arsenal.

-Neal

“Oh no…this just can’t be happening” I thought to myself.

So I clicked on the play button and watched the video a second time. “Oh no, no, no” I silently repeated, simultaneously shaking my head from side to side for further emphasis. As soon as my second viewing ended, I could feel the same look of stupor that had crept across my face after the first viewing begin making its curtain call.

I was tempted to call my wife into the office so she could see the video, but after 21 years of marriage, I knew what Nita’s reaction would be; “see…see, now you know what women go through every day.” I would fully understand such a response, but it would have done nothing to allay my unnerving over what I had just seen.

The video in question was made by VideoJug, a British company (with offices in the U.S.) that produces online informational video content on a far-ranging variety of topics. Most of their videos offer step-by-step guides, and in all honesty, they are well-produced with a combination of tongue-in-cheek quirkiness tinged with humor, while providing clear concise instruction.

My problem with this offering was immediately evident in its title: How to Use Make-up–A Gentlemen’s Guide. No, don’t go back to re-read the title, you correctly read it the first time. A Gentlemen’s Guide!  I can’t state whether I was more agitated over the topic itself, or the voluminous amount of “tools” required to follow the regimen detailed in the video, to wit:

• Exfoliator
• Moisturizer
• Toner
• Cosmetic pads
• Concealer or Foundation
• Fine Make-up brush
• Matte powder
• Lip balm

As a 50 plus male, maybe I’m just experiencing a generational gap with my younger brethren. I am, after all, familiar with the fairly new-coined concept of “metrosexuals,” men who are pre-occupied with their appearance and pursuit of a hip urban lifestyle.  Like many of you, I keep myself well-groomed, but I know where to draw the line. I’d also like to believe our generation has enough experience and adventure under our belt to remain curious about new life experiences (travel, restaurants, books, music, et al.) that can be encountered at our whim if so desired, as opposed to  feeling pressured in order to satisfy the social criteria set forth by so-called arbiters of good taste.

While the video furnished the benefits resulting from daily use of the aforementioned products, I am still dumbfounded at the whole idea of men following what is typically thought of as a female practice. At this point, I have to ask, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Maybe my discomfort partly arose due to the perceived overt homosexual nature of the subject matter rather than completely stemming from feeling that some of the steps suggested were outlandish and unnecessary. I truly have no intent of opening up “a bucket of worms” here, no disrespect is meant toward any of you who embrace a gay lifestyle. To each his/her own—as long as no one is getting hurt, live and enjoy; but let’s be frank with one another, this isn’t the first time that “metrosexual” and “homosexual” have been used in the same sentence…albeit without any real basis.

If you are a consumer of male cosmetic products (boy, the mere mention of this as a product category causes me to shift in my seat) and reap the intended benefits, that’s great. Just don’t succumb to the barrage of advertising found in most male-oriented magazines or feel bound to bow to apprehension of keeping up with the latest grooming requirements as dictated by any of the media mavens or even your immediate social circle.  “Manning-up” means sticking to what’s right for you.

-Neal 

Over the past few weeks, we have evidenced cases of seething anger at town hall meetings held nationwide to discuss restructuring our healthcare system.  These outbursts haven’t been isolated to just a few instances.  Newscast after newscast has shown significantly sizable portions of attendees at many of the gatherings, well-represented by males 50 plus years of age, almost taking on a mob mentality.

Entertainment and sports broadcasts have also provided an increasingly disturbing share of rage and otherwise rude behavior…Christian Bale’s tirade at a co-worker while filming a movie is a prime example, as is the recent case of Serena Williams verbally blasting a lineswoman during a tennis match.

I know what you may be thinking: of course we’ve seen many 50 plus males “losing it” at the town   hall meetings, after all, healthcare is a sensitive issue and becomes more acute as we age.  Christian Bale has long been known as an intense actor given to the occasional eruption.  Serena Williams is generally thought of as one of sports more gracious figures and her behavior, which occurred at a key point in her semi-final match at the U.S. Open, was an aberration.  However, the obvious question lingers; is any of this a legitimate excuse for these actions?

As a 50 plus male, I’d like to think that my generation has the experience, fortitude and most importantly maturity to contain much of this behavior in our own lives.  Notice I didn’t say all of it, just most of it; there are obviously circumstances where anger is indeed justified.  Most of my friends are what I define as “slow-burners;” they are not prone to immediate Mt. Vesuvius-like explosions of fury.  I’d like to think I fall into this behavior group, but it’s honestly only come about as I’ve grown older and become more tolerant.  Don’t mistake this for folding under pressure or not being capable of holding our ground, we just try to do it by first exercising some common-sense and grace.

It seems as if we all need to collectively take a deep breath and re-visit the words “courtesy” and “decorum” in the dictionary.  As a 50 plus male, I suggest we need to lead and not follow; now if  only I can remember this edict the next time someone cuts me off on the road so I allow my horn to do all of the talking instead of my social finger…

-Neal

I recently read an article written by Michael Smerconish in The Philadelphia Inquirer titled “Eulogizing Flawed Public Figures.”  He writes that with so many well-known public figures having recently passed, we need to take a hard look at how the legacy of some of these people should be judged, given they had troubling shortcomings in their lives that have to be weighed against the immense contributions they provided society. Mr. Smerconish cites Sen. Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson as examples.

This got me to thinking about how we’re judged by family and friends while we’re living, let alone when we leave this world.  Should our lives be assessed by our value system and sense of altruism? How about our careers and financial status?  Are you the quintessential family man and a friend everyone can count on?  Is a combination of these factors the ideal formula for making your case?  For the 50 plus male, having reached or surpassed the midpoints of our lives, this question of judgment can hit critical mass.

We all have our failings, and  personal inadequacies deserve some measure of thought when we determine the true value of a man.  I’m currently going through a career change that has proven more difficult than I ever dreamed; how much will my lack of success thus far impact how I’m thought of by family and friends against past triumphs?  Have you ever reflected on your personal state of affairs?  What are the elements you would take into account for any sort of self-appraisal; would those you know utilize these same guidelines?

I understand that most people don’t typically deal with this subject until the person in question has died, but as 50 plus males, we’ve lived long enough to provide ample perspective for our lives to this point. I’m reminded of a line spoken by Martin Sheen’s character in one of my favorite movies, Wall Street.  During an elevator ride, he turns to his son in the movie (played by real-life son Charlie Sheen) and says  something along the lines of “what you see is a guy who never measured a man’s success by the size of his wallet!”  It takes someone with seasoning (in this case the father) to impart wisdom to the younger man.

In the end, legacies are a combination of the subjective mixed with the factual.  Each of us has our own idea of the key ingredients for a life lived with meaning and impact.  All I  personally do is try to live each day knowing it will reflect on the true measure of the man…

-Neal 

Ahh, your first time…what man doesn’t remember who he was with, where he was, and how mind-blowing it was…just like you knew it would be.

Uh guys, I’m not talking about your first woman; no, I’m unfortunately referring to that first time you received a membership solicitation in the mail from AARP! When it happened to me, you could hear my groan from a hundred miles away. Turning fifty is a big enough event unto itself; seeing the AARP return address on that envelope even before opening it is being slapped in the face and that, my friends, is a whole other ballgame.

Here’s the dichotomy with this whole issue…I’m aware, as are most other 50 plus males, that AARP is a terrific organization. Upon reading that first appeal to join, you’re presented with a multitude of benefits “once they gotcha…” However, to this day (remember, as I compose this post, turning 57 years of age is quickly approaching), I have not pulled the trigger and joined. I know what you’re probably thinking; it’s just sheer vanity getting in the way of rational action. But hey, did I mention that I just cannot pull the trigger?

Give AARP credit: they know the meaning of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” While they take care not to overwhelm you with mailings, they are definitely following a model of periodic consistency. Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I know I’ll eventually come to my senses and take advantage of the privileges of membership, and that this day is coming sooner rather than later.

So here’s my question: Do you understand why I haven’t joined thus far? Am I just acting immaturely? Is it just plain foolishness? Please let me know your thoughts, because for a guy who prides himself on thinking through most situations in a concise and clear manner, I’m totally confused.

-Neal