The 50 Plus Male

I never like to start with an apologetic tone, but as it’s been too long a time since I wrote to all of you,  please know that I’m regretful for this and thankful my readers have “hung in there” between postings. So, let’s get right to it with some timely news that’s been bothering me of late.

As most 50 plus males know by now, sometimes sports serve as a metaphor for life. My hometown Philadelphia Flyers are currently proving this point. They didn’t qualify for the hockey playoffs until their last game of the regular season and have since shocked everyone by advancing through the first three rounds (two of which were against higher seeded teams), subsequently reaching the Finals against (once again) a must higher seeded team, the Chicago Blackhawks.

How  they have accomplished this feat was expounded upon by Phil Sheridan, a sports columnist for  The Philadelphia Inquirer. Simply put, the Flyers “are a relentless band of warriors.” This has entailed an increasing level of grit and determination while the playoffs have progressed; as their opponents have gotten better and stronger, so have the Flyers. Much credit has to be given to Flyers coach Peter Laviolette and his staff. They are, as Mr. Sheridan writes, hitting on all cylinders and pushing every button as motivators and leaders.

Lesson learned here: you have to be more and more prepared to meet rising challenges.

So why does an obviously intelligent, successful member of our generation seem to have totally dropped the ball? I’m referring to Tony Hayward, Chief Executive Officer of BP Plc, who recently turned fifty-three. Mr. Hayward (and we can’t excuse his support staff) has seemingly made one gaffe after another. His intonation of “wanting to get my life back” may have been the apogee of pathetic  remarks by a CEO, particularly in light of the eleven lives lost on the oil rig, not to mention the toll this oil spill is taking on local residents and wildlife.

The flak that BP has taken in response to the spill is justified, and the behavior of their leader has heightened the level of vitriol. It’s only now, after weeks of failures and poor corporate behavior that BP and Mr. Hayward are beginning to “hit on all cylinders.” Unfortunately, it’s too little/too late.

Mr. Hayward’s utter lack of exuding competence and leadership will only add to the incalculable cost that BP will have to pay over time. He has already confessed that “they did not have all the tools you would want in your toolkit.” In other words, they weren’t prepared to deal with a deepwater oil leak. Now I fully understand that BP’s objective, as with any corporate entity, is to maximize productivity and accompanying profits. But, as Dick Polman, a highly regarded political columnist notes, they should have first done due diligence on all precautions that would have allowed BP to “act as a steward for the public interest in a fragile ecosystem.”

Proper preparation encompasses three ingredients: advance planning, the wherewithal to adapt, and the ability to adjust. Mr. Hayward and his organization have miserably failed on all three counts. Unlike my Philadelphia Flyers, they simply don’t have the look of a champion…

-Neal

The past few years have unveiled a slew of very disturbing news that while confined to one area, will naturally continue unabated as time progresses. My mother, who turned 80 a few months ago, has seen some very dear friends succumb to disease, injury and advanced age. Accompanying the overwhelming sorrow is a profound sense of her own mortality, and I expend great effort, as any loving son would, at bolstering the knowledge that she thankfully enjoys very good health and looks fantastic.  Much of this is due to my mother’s almost religious devotion to her diet and thrice weekly visits to a local gym where she participates in a seniors exercise regimen.

Here’s the rub…even more astonishing is how many of my own family, friends and acquaintances have recently passed away. A cousin, childhood friend, along with high school and college classmates, all in their fifties, have sadly departed at what we 50 plus males regard as a vital phase of our lives. I’ve never been a devotee of the obituaries in my local paper, but the ever expanding lists of the deceased noted in my high school class web site and quarterly college alumni publications produce agonizing projectiles to the gut that eliminate any attempt on my part to have these notices remain inconspicuous.

So here’s a fundamental life question raised by this news…do I continue to follow my heretofore unwritten edict of always “planning for tomorrow” or should I finally learn to “live for today?” I’m fully aware it’s possible to straddle both philosophies, but the question of applying equal weight to each choice versus favoring one over the other must be addressed.

There isn’t any right or wrong answer; it’s strictly a personal matter based on your particular circumstances. I’ve always been a believer that “today will take care of itself,” therefore focus on planning for a better tomorrow. At work, I’ve always had the habit of going a bit overboard in trying to plan for every possible ill-advised scenario that could arise before a new project began, not only to have pre-arranged solutions at-hand, but more importantly to help prevent the actual occurrence of  the problem. In my personal life, I’ve always been a saver rather than a spender…who knows what tomorrow will bring, so best to be prepared. Now, having the perspective of too many untimely deaths within my social sphere, my once solid foundation built by sheer determination to seek a better tomorrow is beginning to show cracks.

One of my closest friends has always been a “live for today” practitioner and I have repeatedly berated him over the years for feeling this way.  Well folks, not only do I no longer question him, I find myself appreciating my friend for effectuating this lifestyle much earlier than I ever dreamt to follow this path. If you’re sensing a gradual sway on my part to joining the “live for today” club, you’re right…instead of selfishly theorizing there will be many more “tomorrows,” I  increasingly focus on fully actualizing each “today.”

Like many of my brethren when I was in my twenties, thirties and forties, I always thought of myself as invincible; this is no longer the case. Our health, much like good fortune, can no longer  be taken for granted. We’ve all heard “you could be hit by a bus tomorrow” and “the world does not owe you a living.” I always used to casually cast aside such broadsides, but now, I’m listening…

-Neal

Being a 50 plus male and having “been around the block” a few times engenders a requisite amount of seasoning. By this age, naiveté has pretty much flown out the window and we feel like life has few surprises left to offer. Even devoid of having personally experienced a given situation, we’re so bombarded with others’ tales through our profusion of media outlets that we at least think we can easily wrap our hands around a remedy should we ever find ourselves as a principal.

Or so I thought…

I was notified in February that I was liable for possible jury service in Federal Court beginning in late March. When the appropriate time arrived, I made my required phone call to see if my assigned number was selected to attend the next day’s jury pool; it was, and so began my brief, but startling journey into “another world.”

I was selected for the second voir dire (French for “to see/to hear”) call of the day, a rather large one where fifty-five of us were chosen. For those of you not familiar with the concept of voir dire, you are escorted to a courtroom and given a very brief overview of the case by the presiding judge. The judge then proceeds to weed out possible jurors from the group through an exhaustive series of questions that can expose bias towards the prosecution or defense, along with a host of other reasons why you should not be selected for the jury. Once the judge is finished, the respective lawyers get their chance for questioning the assembled pool, with the intent of selecting those people they feel are most apt to side with them once the trial begins. After the lawyers exercise their allotment of preemptive strikes, a jury consisting of twelve members and two alternates is finally selected to hear the case.

Guess who was the last person picked, as Alternate #2? 

The case was drug-related (cocaine powder and crack cocaine to be precise). The two male defendants were each charged with three counts involving possession, intent to distribute, and possession of firearms. Each defendant was in his early twenties, but could have easily passed for eighteen—baby-faced complexions, fresh haircuts, shirts and ties—every attempt having obviously been made by their lawyers to dissuade us from thinking they were street-wise and hardened individuals. After being given precise instruction on how to conduct ourselves from the judge, the prosecution (representing the government) began their opening argument.

To say it was compelling is an understatement; we learned there were actually five arrests made but the other three parties had pled guilty and were going to testify for the prosecution against the two defendants, thereby hoping to lessen their own jail time. My fellow jurors and I were drawn into what can only be described as the seedy, sordid underworld of a drug-infested existence. Remember, no opinions were to be formed about guilt or innocence until the trial ended (the judged had told us to expect six days of trial time before deliberations could begin), but I soon realized TV shows and movies ain’t nothing like this folks! After hearing opening statements from the defense, who agreed the prosecution had followed correct procedural manners in forming their case, but were arguing against the defendants’ level of involvement, the first witness was called. He was the lead detective in the case and was put through three rigorous hours of examination and cross-examination by the lawyers. The other detective and fellow officers in the case followed him onto the stand, albeit for much shorter questioning.

The second day was the real show; the first of the other three arrested parties made his appearance, in green jail fatigues with a sheriff escort always remaining by his side, as a witness for the prosecution. I won’t delve into every detail, but I learned more about cocaine, both in its raw form and in its “cooked” form as crack than I ever cared to; as well as how a sweeping cocaine business operated on a daily basis. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the unnerving feeling of having the three firearms gathered as evidence a mere ten feet in front of the jury box—a .45 caliber Taurus Millennium pistol, a .44 magnum, and a 12-gauge shotgun, all of which had been kept constantly “hot” (i.e. ready to be fired) and within arm’s reach in one of the defendant’s apartments. The only “amusing” facet of the proceedings was that this witness, both a customer and accomplice of the defendants, was 45 years old and was thus called “Old-Head” by all of his associates.

When the fourteen members of the jury returned from lunch recess that day, we were told there would be a delay in allowing us back into the courtroom, as there were many details being sorted-out by the lawyers and judge. Two more hours passed and we all began thinking this “delay” was plea-bargaining by the defendants, who, in my opinion, had been buried earlier by the testimony of Old-Head. It was obvious the police and prosecutors had done a credible, thorough job and the defense was facing an uphill battle. Once we finally were able to re-enter the court, the defendants were no longer present—the judge told us they had decided to plead guilty and their pleas was accepted based on the overwhelming evidence presented to that point. We were graciously thanked by the judge, who told us that while we were no longer needed to decide the case, our mere presence helped produce the outcome and we had performed our civic duty at the highest level.

The train ride home was a blur.  First, I could not stop thinking about the two young lives gone to waste and the effect on their families. Second was much more personal. My father passed away over forty years ago; I was only fifteen at the time and was suddenly thrust into the role of “man-of-the house” (my brother was only eleven). I had to grow-up in a hurry, becoming mature and savvy for my age.  Ever since that phase of my life, I’ve always regarded myself as wise and street-smart. This trial, even in it’s shortened state, made me realize, however, that in certain social circles I’m literally a “babe in the woods.” Here I am in my fifties, seemingly immune to anything else life can throw my way, but in the world inhabited by the defendants, I’d be nothing more than “fresh meat.” Scary, scary thought. Best to start walking around with a fresh set of eyes starting right now…

-Neal

I’m in the middle of a lazy, overcast Sunday morning putting the finishing touches on breakfast. It’s the one day of the week I have our paper (The Philadelphia Inquirer) delivered, providing  the opportunity to “lose myself” for a couple of hours reading through its entirety. The Currents section, offering editorials and commentary, and the Local News section contain articles that are unwittingly related to one another and spark the idea behind this post.

One article, written by Bob Martin, a former Inquirer writer and editor, is entitled “We could go  a long way toward being brotherly,” with the subtitle “Our orneriness drags us down.” It details Mr. Martin’s description of an older work acquaintance nicknamed “Slim” who has since passed on; a gentleman known for his blue-collar survival skills and fierce “addytood,” who had  his way of doing the job and damn anyone who sought to introduce changes mentality. A colleague of Mr. Martin’s noted at Slim’s viewing that he looked more at peace than anytime he was alive. It made Mr. Martin wonder “if this hard edge that characterizes so much of our region serves any useful purpose or does it simply drag us down?”

The second article, by Jennifer Lin, an Inquirer staff writer, is entitled “Flap over Specter’s ‘act like a lady’ comment spreads.”  Senator Arlen Specter (D., Pa.) recently participated in a radio talk show with Rep. Michele Bachmann (R., Minn.) and the discussion had turned to the health-care bill. Specter noted that Rep. Bachmann had said she voted for prosperity, and countered that prosperity wasn’t a bill. Bachmann, briefly talking over him, stated “Well, why don’t we make it a bill?” Specter immediately responded in a cantankerous manner, retorting “don’t interrupt me. I didn’t interrupt you. Act like a lady.”  A couple of additional barbs flew by, but you get the idea. Rep. Bachmann was taken aback by the the Senator’s arrogance and felt like he was essentially telling her to “just sit back and keep quiet.” National media outlets have since picked-up the story, calling Specter’s remarks “patronizing, demeaning and disrespectful.”

All of this begs the question of why civility isn’t exercised more often than hot-tempered, intractactable behavior in our normal discourse with one another?  I used to encounter this stark difference in my former job. I always enjoyed the easy-going, extremely polite cadence when speaking with clients located in the Southern U.S. versus what I encountered with some clients in the Northeastern part of the country. Mr. Martin’s article referenced similar instances of this type of pleasant demeanor experienced during a recent trip in Florida.

I’m not being naive…none of us have the capacity to always be “Mr. Happy.”  I’m merely suggesting, particularly as we 50 plus males age, it’s not a given that we naturally fall into becoming irascible old men with a “my way or the highway” mentality. Senator Specter could have courteously asked Rep. Bachmann to please allow him to finish before rebutting his comments. Thoughtfulness generally trumps sarcasm. This applies to many types of instances we confront in a typical day. I’m still in a learning stage, having recently been chastised by a couple of friends for my penchant of quickly saying “hello” when they phone and almost immediately turning the call over to my wife.

Guys, Mr. Martin is right…most times, exhibiting a hard edge can and should be replaced with genial behavior and respectfulness.

-Neal

What’s the first memory you have of last year’s Baseball All-Star game? Can you remember who won or the final score (hint: American League, 4-3)? Many people, myself included, primarily remember that broadcast for the criticism leveled at President Obama, who threw out the first pitch, for his “unfashionable” choice of jeans. So-called arbiters of fashion called them “dad jeans,” while others designated them as “mom jeans.”

President Obama, to his credit, merely shrugged his shoulders and stated that comfort rules fashion in his jean selection. I’m about to buy two new pairs of everyday jeans to replace the two pairs that have served me so well the past couple of years…that’s everyday jeans as in my “non-work uniform/working around the house” jeans, not dress jeans which I typically save for casual evening-out wear on the weekends. This upcoming trip to the store is what has me thinking about the President’s recent dilemma.

For years, my everyday jeans have been Levi’s 550’s–basic sit-at-the-waist/relaxed-fit in the seat and thigh/tapers below the knee jeans. I buy them because:

a. they’re comfortable

b. they’re comfortable

c. they’re comfortable and I’ve always thought they fit me OK

d. they’re comfortable and reasonably-priced and I can readily purchase them on sale at various department stores

e. I’m not a hip-hop kind of guy; I don’t wear my jeans around my knees

Upon hearing that I was ready to replace my old everyday jeans (I donate the used jeans to Purple Heart), my wife immediately lectured (chided?) me because “I have no ass,” and she’s never liked the 550’s. Mind you, this is not just a newsflash for me; I’m gleaning this information for the first time in almost twenty-two years of marriage!

If you’ve shopped for jeans lately, you’ve found a dizzying array of choices: straight-fit, relaxed-fit, loose-fit in ten different finishes…each with an accompanying model number. Quite frankly, given we just want to purchase knocking-around jeans, it’s waaay (sic) too much for us 50 plus males to absorb. I’m with the President; if they’re comfortable and look OK, along with knowing they’re going to get “beat-up’ over time doing man-stuff around the home…boom!…that’s what I’m buying. Sorry honey, the flat-ass look is still in.

_Neal

As we approach the New Year, many people are ruminating about recent misgivings and sins, simultaneously readying themselves for commitment to yet another list of personal resolutions. We all know how this generally works out…a couple of promises are pursued with purposeful intent while most of our list inadvertently falls by the wayside.

While each of us wrangle with our own efforts at righting the past year’s wrongs, I’d like to  leave The 50 Plus Male readers with a New Year’s present of some principles and instructions from The Official Rules by Paul Dickson, a collection published over thirty years ago. I’m dividing these gems for dealing with life’s struggles into three parts:  Everyday Living, Career, and Humorous Tidbits.

Everyday Living 

What man really fears is not so much extinction, but extinction with insignificance.~Ernest Becker

When inequality is the general rule in society, the greatest inequalities attract no attention.~ De Tocqueville

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.~Durant’s Discovery

The proof that you know something is that you are able to teach it.~Aristotle

If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it.~Chas. Kettering

A fool in high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody~Matsch’s Maxim

Unless you put your money to work for you—you work for your money~Miller’s Law

Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you’re not.~Professional’s Law

You can observe a lot just by watching.~Yogi Berra

Career

Pay attention to the details—your customers do.~S. Chowdhury

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.~Economists’ Law

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.~Sinclair Lewis

The longer the title, the less important the job.~McGovern’s Law

Our customer’s paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.~Brown’s Law of Business Success

In any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate to manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate.~Rodovic’s Rule

All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the working group.~Rosenstock-Huessy’s Law of Technology

The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him.~Public Relations Client Turnover Law

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.~Woman’s Equation

Humorous Tidbits

Never eat a a place called Mom’s, play cards with a man named Doc, or lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.~Algren

Anybody can win—unless there happens to be a second entry.~Ade’s Law

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.~Crane’s Rule

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.~Fischer’s Finding

The good parking places are always on the other side of the street.~Gumperson’s Law

Nice guys finish fast.~First Rule of Public Speaking

It works better if you plug it in.~Sattingler’s Law

You’re not drunk enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on.~Dean Martin

In closing out The 50 Plus Male for the calendar year, I want to wish all of you a safe, healthy, prosperous New Year. Thank you for your loyalty and support, my appreciation is limitless. We all hope for a calmer 2010 than the wild gyrations of 2009, but “while hope may be eternal, it’s not a strategy”… and remember you always need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.

-Neal

The current travails faced by Tiger Woods have become one of the lead stories for our national news outlets. On TV you don’t have to wait for the sports report typically airing during the second half of most newscasts; due to Tiger’s worldwide celebrity, he’s getting top billing along with our Mideast conflicts and economic woes.

I’m not surprised by this, but I am troubled. In the normal course of events involving a well-known public figure, it’s almost inevitable that true reporting of thoroughly checked details will soon digress into fodder for tabloids and other less venerable medial outlets. In Tiger Woods’ case, the (so far) implied salaciousness of the facts have already provided the framework for this habitual media activity…because news outlets (both legitimate and otherwise) are well aware that the public’s thirst for these stories is insatiable.

Why do we care so much?  Is it because we rejoice in seeing the mighty fall? I would first lay fault for this unbridled, yet disturbing public curiosity at the doorstep of what I call the “M Factor.” This is a term I’ve used throughout my working life whenever I encountered behavior in the workplace that was totally devoid of maturity…that’s how I define the “M Factor;” an absence of maturity in the situation at-hand. I seem to be in the minority when I state that I don’t think Tiger Woods owes anyone, other than his immediate family, an explanation for his current strife. I wasn’t always so blasé or easily forgiving; it’s just that being a 50 plus male has taught me what is truly important, and I now regard such “news” with near disdain.  I find myself wanting to shout “people, grow-up and act like an adult!”

Just think in terms of your everyday encounters, both personal and career-related, and how much more thoughtfully and pleasantly the day would have progressed if people learned to “leave their egos at the door” and act in a fully mature manner. I know what you may be thinking…emotion always comes into play, and that’s a big reason for the appearance of the “M Factor.” But those of us who have passed the 50 years of age plateau, having had the benefit of “seasoning” in what life has to offer, should be leaders in exhibiting mature ethical behavior.

I do not mean to sound condescending or judgmental. To quote Tiger, “I’m am not without faults.” My intent is to merely suggest we learn how to pause and think before we act…live the life of a rational, mature and responsible adult, focusing on the truly important aspects of our lives.

-Neal

I recently heard an announcer on one of our local sports talk radio stations initiate a new call-in segment with the listening audience called “I Just Don’t Get It.” He limited his list to sports personalities and storylines and kept his listeners within the same parameters. This got me to thinking about news items and personalities “I just don’t get,” while confining my choices to topics and people revolving around 50 plus males. 

These are some items that make me scratch my head in wonderment; please feel encouraged to submit any that you think of to The 50 Plus Male by clicking on the “Leave a Comment” link at the top of this post…

1. How has the Geezer Bandit (as I compose this post) alluded the FBI?

2. How anyone, let alone a 73 year-old, has run 400 marathons?

3. How did Tom DeLay last more than one week on “Dancing With The Stars?”

4. How Clint Eastwood continues to make movies that are qualitatively better than 99% of anything else currently playing AND composes his own movie soundtracks?

5. How does a 73 year old (must be some kind of magic number) Japanese guy become a leading porn star in his country?

6. How does Jack LaLanne keep going…it can’t be the Power Juicer?

7. How has Senator Byrd (D-WV) kept his seat in Congress all these years?

8. Whenever we think of Michael Douglas being married to a much younger Catherine Zeta-Jones, a rakish smile crosses our faces while a “not so small” tinge of jealousy emotes from our gut; whereas thoughts of Madonna and Jesus Luz produce outright laughter and guttural disgust.

9. Why some graybeard rock bands (Rolling Stones, Aerosmith et. al.) still carry on like they are in their twenties?

10. How ex-President George H. W. Bush (aka 41) still has the cajones to skydive every five years or so on his birthday? (Tip of the hat to him…)

11. Why guys over 50 are generally thought to lack technical prowess by the younger set, yet many of the kings of Computerland, USA (Silicon Valley, Redmond, etc.) like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Eric Schmidt, and Larry Ellison are over 50 years of age?

12. Now I’m reading that we may begin losing our financial smarts after the age of 53…anyone ever hear of Ben Bernanke, Hank Paulson, Paul Volcker, Paul Krugman, Jamie Dimon?

This list could stretch on ad infinitum; the point is…“I just don’t get it.”

-Neal

Author’s note: The 50 Plus Male recently was the recipient of some very exciting news! I have now become a contributing author to one of the ten largest internet portals dedicated to the “boomer-generation,” Boomer-Living.com. A mutual friend and fan of The 50 Plus Male blog graciously introduced me to Doug H. Fitzgerald, Ed.D, the President and Founder of Boomer-Living.com. The outcome of our initial discussion was that Boomer-Living.com would pick-up some of my blog posts and publish them on their site.

  According to Dr. Fitzgerald, “Boomer-Living.com was started to help baby boomers as they confront life’s challenges aging in the 21st century. I feel strongly that aging now is nothing like the aging of our parents.  It’s a whole new mindset. Most of the boomers I know want to remain active the rest of their lives. Many have chosen to continue working or become entrepreneurs, while others elect to travel.  Whatever the case may be, times are different, and Boomer-Living.com provides guidance and direction so that our members can make more informed decisions related to their own personal and family lives.  Our objective at Boomer-Living.com is to become the most trusted and reliable resource available today for baby boomers.”

Dr. Fitzgerald and I have begun exchanging ideas for future posts and look forward to a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. I have provided links to Boomer-Living.com for you above and under the Blogroll section found in the right-hand sidebar of each page in The 50 Plus Male. My listings in Boomer-Living.com can be found under their “Coffee House Blog” sub-header link.

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  The 50 Plus Male is proud to introduce a new feature to the blog, The 50 Plus Male Store. The store was formed by becoming a third-party affiliate of Amazon.com. This means that any purchases you make in the store will be entirely processed through Amazon.com (this is done automatically; you do not have to undertake any additional steps), so you may rest assured of the functionality and security earmarks built into the store. Initial product categories being introduced are books and magazines pertinent to the 50 plus male.  Additional category offerings will gradually be added. Once again, if you look at the right-hand sidebar on each page of this blog, you will see a small square entitled “The 50 Plus Male Store” immediately above the calendar—this is the link that will gain you access to the store. Even if you do not have any current purchase intent, I heartily invite you to peruse the items so you can get a feel for the look of this new feature. As always, I welcome any feedback and want to sincerely thank you at the outset for your support.

Finally, as promised in an earlier post, we will soon have a good friend of The 50 Plus Male, Josh, from Spirited Cocktails (Dedicated to the Craft of the Perfect Cocktail), serving as a guest contributor for an upcoming blog posting on a social rite holding great significance for 50 plus males, the Cocktail Hour! Josh is an expert on providing step-by-step instructions for creating one-of-a-kind cocktails that will quickly become new favorites in your arsenal.

-Neal

“Oh no…this just can’t be happening” I thought to myself.

So I clicked on the play button and watched the video a second time. “Oh no, no, no” I silently repeated, simultaneously shaking my head from side to side for further emphasis. As soon as my second viewing ended, I could feel the same look of stupor that had crept across my face after the first viewing begin making its curtain call.

I was tempted to call my wife into the office so she could see the video, but after 21 years of marriage, I knew what Nita’s reaction would be; “see…see, now you know what women go through every day.” I would fully understand such a response, but it would have done nothing to allay my unnerving over what I had just seen.

The video in question was made by VideoJug, a British company (with offices in the U.S.) that produces online informational video content on a far-ranging variety of topics. Most of their videos offer step-by-step guides, and in all honesty, they are well-produced with a combination of tongue-in-cheek quirkiness tinged with humor, while providing clear concise instruction.

My problem with this offering was immediately evident in its title: How to Use Make-up–A Gentlemen’s Guide. No, don’t go back to re-read the title, you correctly read it the first time. A Gentlemen’s Guide!  I can’t state whether I was more agitated over the topic itself, or the voluminous amount of “tools” required to follow the regimen detailed in the video, to wit:

• Exfoliator
• Moisturizer
• Toner
• Cosmetic pads
• Concealer or Foundation
• Fine Make-up brush
• Matte powder
• Lip balm

As a 50 plus male, maybe I’m just experiencing a generational gap with my younger brethren. I am, after all, familiar with the fairly new-coined concept of “metrosexuals,” men who are pre-occupied with their appearance and pursuit of a hip urban lifestyle.  Like many of you, I keep myself well-groomed, but I know where to draw the line. I’d also like to believe our generation has enough experience and adventure under our belt to remain curious about new life experiences (travel, restaurants, books, music, et al.) that can be encountered at our whim if so desired, as opposed to  feeling pressured in order to satisfy the social criteria set forth by so-called arbiters of good taste.

While the video furnished the benefits resulting from daily use of the aforementioned products, I am still dumbfounded at the whole idea of men following what is typically thought of as a female practice. At this point, I have to ask, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Maybe my discomfort partly arose due to the perceived overt homosexual nature of the subject matter rather than completely stemming from feeling that some of the steps suggested were outlandish and unnecessary. I truly have no intent of opening up “a bucket of worms” here, no disrespect is meant toward any of you who embrace a gay lifestyle. To each his/her own—as long as no one is getting hurt, live and enjoy; but let’s be frank with one another, this isn’t the first time that “metrosexual” and “homosexual” have been used in the same sentence…albeit without any real basis.

If you are a consumer of male cosmetic products (boy, the mere mention of this as a product category causes me to shift in my seat) and reap the intended benefits, that’s great. Just don’t succumb to the barrage of advertising found in most male-oriented magazines or feel bound to bow to apprehension of keeping up with the latest grooming requirements as dictated by any of the media mavens or even your immediate social circle.  “Manning-up” means sticking to what’s right for you.

-Neal