The 50 Plus Male

The current travails faced by Tiger Woods have become one of the lead stories for our national news outlets. On TV you don’t have to wait for the sports report typically airing during the second half of most newscasts; due to Tiger’s worldwide celebrity, he’s getting top billing along with our Mideast conflicts and economic woes.

I’m not surprised by this, but I am troubled. In the normal course of events involving a well-known public figure, it’s almost inevitable that true reporting of thoroughly checked details will soon digress into fodder for tabloids and other less venerable medial outlets. In Tiger Woods’ case, the (so far) implied salaciousness of the facts have already provided the framework for this habitual media activity…because news outlets (both legitimate and otherwise) are well aware that the public’s thirst for these stories is insatiable.

Why do we care so much?  Is it because we rejoice in seeing the mighty fall? I would first lay fault for this unbridled, yet disturbing public curiosity at the doorstep of what I call the “M Factor.” This is a term I’ve used throughout my working life whenever I encountered behavior in the workplace that was totally devoid of maturity…that’s how I define the “M Factor;” an absence of maturity in the situation at-hand. I seem to be in the minority when I state that I don’t think Tiger Woods owes anyone, other than his immediate family, an explanation for his current strife. I wasn’t always so blasé or easily forgiving; it’s just that being a 50 plus male has taught me what is truly important, and I now regard such “news” with near disdain.  I find myself wanting to shout “people, grow-up and act like an adult!”

Just think in terms of your everyday encounters, both personal and career-related, and how much more thoughtfully and pleasantly the day would have progressed if people learned to “leave their egos at the door” and act in a fully mature manner. I know what you may be thinking…emotion always comes into play, and that’s a big reason for the appearance of the “M Factor.” But those of us who have passed the 50 years of age plateau, having had the benefit of “seasoning” in what life has to offer, should be leaders in exhibiting mature ethical behavior.

I do not mean to sound condescending or judgmental. To quote Tiger, “I’m am not without faults.” My intent is to merely suggest we learn how to pause and think before we act…live the life of a rational, mature and responsible adult, focusing on the truly important aspects of our lives.

-Neal

I recently heard an announcer on one of our local sports talk radio stations initiate a new call-in segment with the listening audience called “I Just Don’t Get It.” He limited his list to sports personalities and storylines and kept his listeners within the same parameters. This got me to thinking about news items and personalities “I just don’t get,” while confining my choices to topics and people revolving around 50 plus males. 

These are some items that make me scratch my head in wonderment; please feel encouraged to submit any that you think of to The 50 Plus Male by clicking on the “Leave a Comment” link at the top of this post…

1. How has the Geezer Bandit (as I compose this post) alluded the FBI?

2. How anyone, let alone a 73 year-old, has run 400 marathons?

3. How did Tom DeLay last more than one week on “Dancing With The Stars?”

4. How Clint Eastwood continues to make movies that are qualitatively better than 99% of anything else currently playing AND composes his own movie soundtracks?

5. How does a 73 year old (must be some kind of magic number) Japanese guy become a leading porn star in his country?

6. How does Jack LaLanne keep going…it can’t be the Power Juicer?

7. How has Senator Byrd (D-WV) kept his seat in Congress all these years?

8. Whenever we think of Michael Douglas being married to a much younger Catherine Zeta-Jones, a rakish smile crosses our faces while a “not so small” tinge of jealousy emotes from our gut; whereas thoughts of Madonna and Jesus Luz produce outright laughter and guttural disgust.

9. Why some graybeard rock bands (Rolling Stones, Aerosmith et. al.) still carry on like they are in their twenties?

10. How ex-President George H. W. Bush (aka 41) still has the cajones to skydive every five years or so on his birthday? (Tip of the hat to him…)

11. Why guys over 50 are generally thought to lack technical prowess by the younger set, yet many of the kings of Computerland, USA (Silicon Valley, Redmond, etc.) like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Eric Schmidt, and Larry Ellison are over 50 years of age?

12. Now I’m reading that we may begin losing our financial smarts after the age of 53…anyone ever hear of Ben Bernanke, Hank Paulson, Paul Volcker, Paul Krugman, Jamie Dimon?

This list could stretch on ad infinitum; the point is…“I just don’t get it.”

-Neal

Author’s note: The 50 Plus Male recently was the recipient of some very exciting news! I have now become a contributing author to one of the ten largest internet portals dedicated to the “boomer-generation,” Boomer-Living.com. A mutual friend and fan of The 50 Plus Male blog graciously introduced me to Doug H. Fitzgerald, Ed.D, the President and Founder of Boomer-Living.com. The outcome of our initial discussion was that Boomer-Living.com would pick-up some of my blog posts and publish them on their site.

  According to Dr. Fitzgerald, “Boomer-Living.com was started to help baby boomers as they confront life’s challenges aging in the 21st century. I feel strongly that aging now is nothing like the aging of our parents.  It’s a whole new mindset. Most of the boomers I know want to remain active the rest of their lives. Many have chosen to continue working or become entrepreneurs, while others elect to travel.  Whatever the case may be, times are different, and Boomer-Living.com provides guidance and direction so that our members can make more informed decisions related to their own personal and family lives.  Our objective at Boomer-Living.com is to become the most trusted and reliable resource available today for baby boomers.”

Dr. Fitzgerald and I have begun exchanging ideas for future posts and look forward to a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. I have provided links to Boomer-Living.com for you above and under the Blogroll section found in the right-hand sidebar of each page in The 50 Plus Male. My listings in Boomer-Living.com can be found under their “Coffee House Blog” sub-header link.

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  The 50 Plus Male is proud to introduce a new feature to the blog, The 50 Plus Male Store. The store was formed by becoming a third-party affiliate of Amazon.com. This means that any purchases you make in the store will be entirely processed through Amazon.com (this is done automatically; you do not have to undertake any additional steps), so you may rest assured of the functionality and security earmarks built into the store. Initial product categories being introduced are books and magazines pertinent to the 50 plus male.  Additional category offerings will gradually be added. Once again, if you look at the right-hand sidebar on each page of this blog, you will see a small square entitled “The 50 Plus Male Store” immediately above the calendar—this is the link that will gain you access to the store. Even if you do not have any current purchase intent, I heartily invite you to peruse the items so you can get a feel for the look of this new feature. As always, I welcome any feedback and want to sincerely thank you at the outset for your support.

Finally, as promised in an earlier post, we will soon have a good friend of The 50 Plus Male, Josh, from Spirited Cocktails (Dedicated to the Craft of the Perfect Cocktail), serving as a guest contributor for an upcoming blog posting on a social rite holding great significance for 50 plus males, the Cocktail Hour! Josh is an expert on providing step-by-step instructions for creating one-of-a-kind cocktails that will quickly become new favorites in your arsenal.

-Neal

“Oh no…this just can’t be happening” I thought to myself.

So I clicked on the play button and watched the video a second time. “Oh no, no, no” I silently repeated, simultaneously shaking my head from side to side for further emphasis. As soon as my second viewing ended, I could feel the same look of stupor that had crept across my face after the first viewing begin making its curtain call.

I was tempted to call my wife into the office so she could see the video, but after 21 years of marriage, I knew what Nita’s reaction would be; “see…see, now you know what women go through every day.” I would fully understand such a response, but it would have done nothing to allay my unnerving over what I had just seen.

The video in question was made by VideoJug, a British company (with offices in the U.S.) that produces online informational video content on a far-ranging variety of topics. Most of their videos offer step-by-step guides, and in all honesty, they are well-produced with a combination of tongue-in-cheek quirkiness tinged with humor, while providing clear concise instruction.

My problem with this offering was immediately evident in its title: How to Use Make-up–A Gentlemen’s Guide. No, don’t go back to re-read the title, you correctly read it the first time. A Gentlemen’s Guide!  I can’t state whether I was more agitated over the topic itself, or the voluminous amount of “tools” required to follow the regimen detailed in the video, to wit:

• Exfoliator
• Moisturizer
• Toner
• Cosmetic pads
• Concealer or Foundation
• Fine Make-up brush
• Matte powder
• Lip balm

As a 50 plus male, maybe I’m just experiencing a generational gap with my younger brethren. I am, after all, familiar with the fairly new-coined concept of “metrosexuals,” men who are pre-occupied with their appearance and pursuit of a hip urban lifestyle.  Like many of you, I keep myself well-groomed, but I know where to draw the line. I’d also like to believe our generation has enough experience and adventure under our belt to remain curious about new life experiences (travel, restaurants, books, music, et al.) that can be encountered at our whim if so desired, as opposed to  feeling pressured in order to satisfy the social criteria set forth by so-called arbiters of good taste.

While the video furnished the benefits resulting from daily use of the aforementioned products, I am still dumbfounded at the whole idea of men following what is typically thought of as a female practice. At this point, I have to ask, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Maybe my discomfort partly arose due to the perceived overt homosexual nature of the subject matter rather than completely stemming from feeling that some of the steps suggested were outlandish and unnecessary. I truly have no intent of opening up “a bucket of worms” here, no disrespect is meant toward any of you who embrace a gay lifestyle. To each his/her own—as long as no one is getting hurt, live and enjoy; but let’s be frank with one another, this isn’t the first time that “metrosexual” and “homosexual” have been used in the same sentence…albeit without any real basis.

If you are a consumer of male cosmetic products (boy, the mere mention of this as a product category causes me to shift in my seat) and reap the intended benefits, that’s great. Just don’t succumb to the barrage of advertising found in most male-oriented magazines or feel bound to bow to apprehension of keeping up with the latest grooming requirements as dictated by any of the media mavens or even your immediate social circle.  “Manning-up” means sticking to what’s right for you.

-Neal 

Over the past few weeks, we have evidenced cases of seething anger at town hall meetings held nationwide to discuss restructuring our healthcare system.  These outbursts haven’t been isolated to just a few instances.  Newscast after newscast has shown significantly sizable portions of attendees at many of the gatherings, well-represented by males 50 plus years of age, almost taking on a mob mentality.

Entertainment and sports broadcasts have also provided an increasingly disturbing share of rage and otherwise rude behavior…Christian Bale’s tirade at a co-worker while filming a movie is a prime example, as is the recent case of Serena Williams verbally blasting a lineswoman during a tennis match.

I know what you may be thinking: of course we’ve seen many 50 plus males “losing it” at the town   hall meetings, after all, healthcare is a sensitive issue and becomes more acute as we age.  Christian Bale has long been known as an intense actor given to the occasional eruption.  Serena Williams is generally thought of as one of sports more gracious figures and her behavior, which occurred at a key point in her semi-final match at the U.S. Open, was an aberration.  However, the obvious question lingers; is any of this a legitimate excuse for these actions?

As a 50 plus male, I’d like to think that my generation has the experience, fortitude and most importantly maturity to contain much of this behavior in our own lives.  Notice I didn’t say all of it, just most of it; there are obviously circumstances where anger is indeed justified.  Most of my friends are what I define as “slow-burners;” they are not prone to immediate Mt. Vesuvius-like explosions of fury.  I’d like to think I fall into this behavior group, but it’s honestly only come about as I’ve grown older and become more tolerant.  Don’t mistake this for folding under pressure or not being capable of holding our ground, we just try to do it by first exercising some common-sense and grace.

It seems as if we all need to collectively take a deep breath and re-visit the words “courtesy” and “decorum” in the dictionary.  As a 50 plus male, I suggest we need to lead and not follow; now if  only I can remember this edict the next time someone cuts me off on the road so I allow my horn to do all of the talking instead of my social finger…

-Neal

I recently read an article written by Michael Smerconish in The Philadelphia Inquirer titled “Eulogizing Flawed Public Figures.”  He writes that with so many well-known public figures having recently passed, we need to take a hard look at how the legacy of some of these people should be judged, given they had troubling shortcomings in their lives that have to be weighed against the immense contributions they provided society. Mr. Smerconish cites Sen. Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson as examples.

This got me to thinking about how we’re judged by family and friends while we’re living, let alone when we leave this world.  Should our lives be assessed by our value system and sense of altruism? How about our careers and financial status?  Are you the quintessential family man and a friend everyone can count on?  Is a combination of these factors the ideal formula for making your case?  For the 50 plus male, having reached or surpassed the midpoints of our lives, this question of judgment can hit critical mass.

We all have our failings, and  personal inadequacies deserve some measure of thought when we determine the true value of a man.  I’m currently going through a career change that has proven more difficult than I ever dreamed; how much will my lack of success thus far impact how I’m thought of by family and friends against past triumphs?  Have you ever reflected on your personal state of affairs?  What are the elements you would take into account for any sort of self-appraisal; would those you know utilize these same guidelines?

I understand that most people don’t typically deal with this subject until the person in question has died, but as 50 plus males, we’ve lived long enough to provide ample perspective for our lives to this point. I’m reminded of a line spoken by Martin Sheen’s character in one of my favorite movies, Wall Street.  During an elevator ride, he turns to his son in the movie (played by real-life son Charlie Sheen) and says  something along the lines of “what you see is a guy who never measured a man’s success by the size of his wallet!”  It takes someone with seasoning (in this case the father) to impart wisdom to the younger man.

In the end, legacies are a combination of the subjective mixed with the factual.  Each of us has our own idea of the key ingredients for a life lived with meaning and impact.  All I  personally do is try to live each day knowing it will reflect on the true measure of the man…

-Neal 

Ahh, your first time…what man doesn’t remember who he was with, where he was, and how mind-blowing it was…just like you knew it would be.

Uh guys, I’m not talking about your first woman; no, I’m unfortunately referring to that first time you received a membership solicitation in the mail from AARP! When it happened to me, you could hear my groan from a hundred miles away. Turning fifty is a big enough event unto itself; seeing the AARP return address on that envelope even before opening it is being slapped in the face and that, my friends, is a whole other ballgame.

Here’s the dichotomy with this whole issue…I’m aware, as are most other 50 plus males, that AARP is a terrific organization. Upon reading that first appeal to join, you’re presented with a multitude of benefits “once they gotcha…” However, to this day (remember, as I compose this post, turning 57 years of age is quickly approaching), I have not pulled the trigger and joined. I know what you’re probably thinking; it’s just sheer vanity getting in the way of rational action. But hey, did I mention that I just cannot pull the trigger?

Give AARP credit: they know the meaning of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” While they take care not to overwhelm you with mailings, they are definitely following a model of periodic consistency. Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I know I’ll eventually come to my senses and take advantage of the privileges of membership, and that this day is coming sooner rather than later.

So here’s my question: Do you understand why I haven’t joined thus far? Am I just acting immaturely? Is it just plain foolishness? Please let me know your thoughts, because for a guy who prides himself on thinking through most situations in a concise and clear manner, I’m totally confused.

-Neal

Remember when you hit “the big 5-0?”  It doesn’t matter if this happened recently or some time ago, I’ll bet one of your initial thoughts was “how did that happen; where has the time gone?”  Have the years since flown by like a cool summer breeze or has the air stilled like a hot humid night?

So many questions arise concerning the crucial aspects of life:  your health, marriage, family, finances and career just to name a few.  I turned 50 in August 2002 and now find each day poses new challenges, and some surprising avenues of pursuit in my quest to engage these life-hurdles with abundant gusto…or, as I more commonly ruminate, living life by brandishing the “warrior mentality” of my  20’s, 30’s and 40’s.

The 50 Plus Male blog will focus on how to flourish and continue to live a full and meaningful life; one filled with a sense of vitality and a zest for the opportunities each day can bestow.  Sometimes I’ll have suggestions, many times I’ll only be able to pose the questions and look to you, my readers, for guidance…I don’t lay any claim to being a guru in this subject area, just eternally inquisitive.

It’s said that “life is a gamble”…well folks, if you’ll kindly permit me to use an overt metaphor, let’s get the poker game going; it’s time to shuffle up and deal…

-Neal