The 50 Plus Male

Over the past few weeks, we have evidenced cases of seething anger at town hall meetings held nationwide to discuss restructuring our healthcare system.  These outbursts haven’t been isolated to just a few instances.  Newscast after newscast has shown significantly sizable portions of attendees at many of the gatherings, well-represented by males 50 plus years of age, almost taking on a mob mentality.

Entertainment and sports broadcasts have also provided an increasingly disturbing share of rage and otherwise rude behavior…Christian Bale’s tirade at a co-worker while filming a movie is a prime example, as is the recent case of Serena Williams verbally blasting a lineswoman during a tennis match.

I know what you may be thinking: of course we’ve seen many 50 plus males “losing it” at the town   hall meetings, after all, healthcare is a sensitive issue and becomes more acute as we age.  Christian Bale has long been known as an intense actor given to the occasional eruption.  Serena Williams is generally thought of as one of sports more gracious figures and her behavior, which occurred at a key point in her semi-final match at the U.S. Open, was an aberration.  However, the obvious question lingers; is any of this a legitimate excuse for these actions?

As a 50 plus male, I’d like to think that my generation has the experience, fortitude and most importantly maturity to contain much of this behavior in our own lives.  Notice I didn’t say all of it, just most of it; there are obviously circumstances where anger is indeed justified.  Most of my friends are what I define as “slow-burners;” they are not prone to immediate Mt. Vesuvius-like explosions of fury.  I’d like to think I fall into this behavior group, but it’s honestly only come about as I’ve grown older and become more tolerant.  Don’t mistake this for folding under pressure or not being capable of holding our ground, we just try to do it by first exercising some common-sense and grace.

It seems as if we all need to collectively take a deep breath and re-visit the words “courtesy” and “decorum” in the dictionary.  As a 50 plus male, I suggest we need to lead and not follow; now if  only I can remember this edict the next time someone cuts me off on the road so I allow my horn to do all of the talking instead of my social finger…

-Neal

I recently read an article written by Michael Smerconish in The Philadelphia Inquirer titled “Eulogizing Flawed Public Figures.”  He writes that with so many well-known public figures having recently passed, we need to take a hard look at how the legacy of some of these people should be judged, given they had troubling shortcomings in their lives that have to be weighed against the immense contributions they provided society. Mr. Smerconish cites Sen. Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson as examples.

This got me to thinking about how we’re judged by family and friends while we’re living, let alone when we leave this world.  Should our lives be assessed by our value system and sense of altruism? How about our careers and financial status?  Are you the quintessential family man and a friend everyone can count on?  Is a combination of these factors the ideal formula for making your case?  For the 50 plus male, having reached or surpassed the midpoints of our lives, this question of judgment can hit critical mass.

We all have our failings, and  personal inadequacies deserve some measure of thought when we determine the true value of a man.  I’m currently going through a career change that has proven more difficult than I ever dreamed; how much will my lack of success thus far impact how I’m thought of by family and friends against past triumphs?  Have you ever reflected on your personal state of affairs?  What are the elements you would take into account for any sort of self-appraisal; would those you know utilize these same guidelines?

I understand that most people don’t typically deal with this subject until the person in question has died, but as 50 plus males, we’ve lived long enough to provide ample perspective for our lives to this point. I’m reminded of a line spoken by Martin Sheen’s character in one of my favorite movies, Wall Street.  During an elevator ride, he turns to his son in the movie (played by real-life son Charlie Sheen) and says  something along the lines of “what you see is a guy who never measured a man’s success by the size of his wallet!”  It takes someone with seasoning (in this case the father) to impart wisdom to the younger man.

In the end, legacies are a combination of the subjective mixed with the factual.  Each of us has our own idea of the key ingredients for a life lived with meaning and impact.  All I  personally do is try to live each day knowing it will reflect on the true measure of the man…

-Neal 

Ahh, your first time…what man doesn’t remember who he was with, where he was, and how mind-blowing it was…just like you knew it would be.

Uh guys, I’m not talking about your first woman; no, I’m unfortunately referring to that first time you received a membership solicitation in the mail from AARP! When it happened to me, you could hear my groan from a hundred miles away. Turning fifty is a big enough event unto itself; seeing the AARP return address on that envelope even before opening it is being slapped in the face and that, my friends, is a whole other ballgame.

Here’s the dichotomy with this whole issue…I’m aware, as are most other 50 plus males, that AARP is a terrific organization. Upon reading that first appeal to join, you’re presented with a multitude of benefits “once they gotcha…” However, to this day (remember, as I compose this post, turning 57 years of age is quickly approaching), I have not pulled the trigger and joined. I know what you’re probably thinking; it’s just sheer vanity getting in the way of rational action. But hey, did I mention that I just cannot pull the trigger?

Give AARP credit: they know the meaning of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” While they take care not to overwhelm you with mailings, they are definitely following a model of periodic consistency. Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I know I’ll eventually come to my senses and take advantage of the privileges of membership, and that this day is coming sooner rather than later.

So here’s my question: Do you understand why I haven’t joined thus far? Am I just acting immaturely? Is it just plain foolishness? Please let me know your thoughts, because for a guy who prides himself on thinking through most situations in a concise and clear manner, I’m totally confused.

-Neal

Remember when you hit “the big 5-0?”  It doesn’t matter if this happened recently or some time ago, I’ll bet one of your initial thoughts was “how did that happen; where has the time gone?”  Have the years since flown by like a cool summer breeze or has the air stilled like a hot humid night?

So many questions arise concerning the crucial aspects of life:  your health, marriage, family, finances and career just to name a few.  I turned 50 in August 2002 and now find each day poses new challenges, and some surprising avenues of pursuit in my quest to engage these life-hurdles with abundant gusto…or, as I more commonly ruminate, living life by brandishing the “warrior mentality” of my  20’s, 30’s and 40’s.

The 50 Plus Male blog will focus on how to flourish and continue to live a full and meaningful life; one filled with a sense of vitality and a zest for the opportunities each day can bestow.  Sometimes I’ll have suggestions, many times I’ll only be able to pose the questions and look to you, my readers, for guidance…I don’t lay any claim to being a guru in this subject area, just eternally inquisitive.

It’s said that “life is a gamble”…well folks, if you’ll kindly permit me to use an overt metaphor, let’s get the poker game going; it’s time to shuffle up and deal…

-Neal