The 50 Plus Male

Talk about a dour week for our country! We’ve slipped to fifth place in the annual ranking of the world’s most competitive economies, our President’s job approval ratings have hit an all-time low, Congress continues to bicker with one another, and most poignantly, we’re four days away from the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy.

This is the perfect time for someone to step up to the plate and yell “snap out of it,” and, thankfully, it just happened to me. A moment ago, I finished reading an article and viewing the accompanying video for the Today Show’s “American Story” segment airing each day this week in remembrance of 9/11. Today’s installment, on the Alonso family of Stony Point, NY, dealt with the untimely death of a mother of two children (one with Down syndrome) and how a father’s love and devotion has kept the family whole. I was particularly moved by a lesson the father has taught his two children in light of the fate befallen them by their 9/11 experience: treat every moment like an unopened gift.

This powerful point is applicable in myriad ways and sometimes, admittedly, I have to force myself to heed the advice. Lately, I’ve felt apprehensive about the lack of control “the average guy” (including yours truly) has in dealing with our current economic milieu. We now live in a world where a banker in the U.S. sneezes and a banker in Switzerland is the one saying “gesundheit.” Any given country’s economy can now have a rippling effect on the rest of the world and the markets get roiled. Many American corporations are awash in cash reserves, yet won’t boost their hiring efforts. The stock market’s daily activity is severely impacted by super-computer trading that kicks in at a moment’s notice (this was addressed in an earlier post entitled “Risky Business”). Even attempting to follow the many avenues of advice we hear about building a defensive position in your portfolios seems akin to selling ice to an eskimo. Guess what, I’ve learned I can only control so much and not to unduly fret over what I can’t control.

Here’s another example in my life where this sage advice hits home–I’ve learned to navigate what was once regarded as a hurdle and now treat as an opportunity. In the midst of an impending career change, I’m faced with a fairly steep learning curve. Like many of my 50 plus male counterparts, I always felt I’d be an expert in my chosen field at this stage of my life, and that my days of learning were basically over…I would now be the teacher. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, however, and I once again have become the student. Instead of resenting these circumstances, I’m excited about studying new subjects like social media marketing (through books, white papers, webinars), and cannot wait to get rolling in my new career! Expanding my business knowledge, while utilizing all that I’ve learned to this point as a solid foundation, truly has been like receiving an unopened gift.

Finally, the third and most salient reason to accede to Mr. Alonso’s advice: life itself. Two weeks ago, I lost a dear friend from my junior high/high school days, resulting from a tragic auto accident. He was an absolute sweetheart of a guy—warm, caring, with a perpetual smile painted on his face. Everyone he knew thought highly of him and his untimely death is still registering shock waves amongst family and friends. The lesson here is obvious folks—it can all disappear in an instant. Savor every moment of every day; each morning we wake up is indeed another gift…

-Neal

Those of you who have been avid followers of The 50 Plus Male since its inception are aware I “fought the good fight” against joining AARP (dating back to You Always Remember Your First). You also know I finally “swallowed my pride” and recently joined this august organization. AARP members automatically receive AARP The Magazine, and two articles in the latest issue have set-off a round of mental volleys that I’m having trouble resolving.

One brief discussion centers around people 50+ years of age being more trusting than younger adults. The premise is that we tend to more readily trust others, allowing us to widen our sphere of friendships. These experiences help us to become more perceptive in judging character and separating fact from fiction.

My response to this: really??

Without sounding overly cynical, I’ve encountered too many instances of the opposite behavior amongst my 50+ year old brethren to endorse this view. As we age, I find more and more of us becoming less forgiving…this conduct manifests in the increasing number of us judging people based on whatever is occurring during the worst of times instead of shaping views based over a sustained period. Unfortunately, I can personally attest to this shortsightedness; mind you, I am trying to be as polite as possible here. 

Presently enduring an increasingly long stretch of trying to effect a career change has brought about some rather severe lifestyle changes for my wife and I…those 50+ males in similar circumstances know how disheartening these circumstances can become, especially via pressures felt by our spouses, who should always remain our primary concern. What’s disconcerting is the surprisingly malevolent remarks made to me, and more importantly my wife, by some of our “friends” about our present situation. The level of vitriol bandied about is generally discharged without any knowledge on the part of others as to what is taking place on a daily basis re: my efforts to right the ship. It makes me wonder if the previous three-plus decades when everything was progressing smoothly, or, to quote Plato, we were thriving as opposed to surviving, even existed…

Why is it that when we become older (again, my opinion) facts tend to fly out the window and we revel in the fall of others? Isn’t this instead the time to grow more introspective and really try to form mature, factual opinions based on the entirety of one’s life to this point rather than myopically focusing on just our present lot? Simply put, do people really understand?

The oft-stated premise that “unless you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes, forming a valid opinion is without merit” is an assertion to which I wholeheartedly subscribe. Any  50+ individuals out there who have not had to re-brand themselves, (the subject of the second of the AARP articles previously referred to), don’t know from whence you speak. This concept of self-branding, developed by management guru Tom Peters, is difficult and time-consuming; indeed for many in our age bracket, it goes against our very nature since it can feel like a form of self-braggadocio. As the article states, you have to learn how to become CEO of your own new company, Me Inc. This requires digging deep and thinking about how your working life can (finally) become both pleasurable and fruitful, coupled with new levels of learning in order to avoid obsolescence. Determining one’s value proposition is never an easy task…progressing through the necessary steps to possibly change this is an even more difficult exercise, particularly at this stage of our lives. So again I ask, do people really understand?

Honestly folks, this post wasn’t composed for purposes of venting or complaining, and I’m cognizant, even hopeful this discussion will induce some strongly-felt feedback.  If both my own circle of friends and yours have gained a broader perspective in how to surmise a truer fact-based assessment, my job is done. If they haven’t learned anything and merely want to fire the next volley…well, bring it on, I’ve got a broad set of shoulders!

-Neal

As we approach the New Year, many people are ruminating about recent misgivings and sins, simultaneously readying themselves for commitment to yet another list of personal resolutions. We all know how this generally works out…a couple of promises are pursued with purposeful intent while most of our list inadvertently falls by the wayside.

While each of us wrangle with our own efforts at righting the past year’s wrongs, I’d like to  leave The 50 Plus Male readers with a New Year’s present of some principles and instructions from The Official Rules by Paul Dickson, a collection published over thirty years ago. I’m dividing these gems for dealing with life’s struggles into three parts:  Everyday Living, Career, and Humorous Tidbits.

Everyday Living 

What man really fears is not so much extinction, but extinction with insignificance.~Ernest Becker

When inequality is the general rule in society, the greatest inequalities attract no attention.~ De Tocqueville

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.~Durant’s Discovery

The proof that you know something is that you are able to teach it.~Aristotle

If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it.~Chas. Kettering

A fool in high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody~Matsch’s Maxim

Unless you put your money to work for you—you work for your money~Miller’s Law

Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you’re not.~Professional’s Law

You can observe a lot just by watching.~Yogi Berra

Career

Pay attention to the details—your customers do.~S. Chowdhury

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.~Economists’ Law

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.~Sinclair Lewis

The longer the title, the less important the job.~McGovern’s Law

Our customer’s paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.~Brown’s Law of Business Success

In any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate to manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate.~Rodovic’s Rule

All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the working group.~Rosenstock-Huessy’s Law of Technology

The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him.~Public Relations Client Turnover Law

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.~Woman’s Equation

Humorous Tidbits

Never eat a a place called Mom’s, play cards with a man named Doc, or lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.~Algren

Anybody can win—unless there happens to be a second entry.~Ade’s Law

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.~Crane’s Rule

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.~Fischer’s Finding

The good parking places are always on the other side of the street.~Gumperson’s Law

Nice guys finish fast.~First Rule of Public Speaking

It works better if you plug it in.~Sattingler’s Law

You’re not drunk enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on.~Dean Martin

In closing out The 50 Plus Male for the calendar year, I want to wish all of you a safe, healthy, prosperous New Year. Thank you for your loyalty and support, my appreciation is limitless. We all hope for a calmer 2010 than the wild gyrations of 2009, but “while hope may be eternal, it’s not a strategy”… and remember you always need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.

-Neal

In early Spring 2009, I read an on-line article published on MSN.com written by John W. Schoen, entitled “Boomers Face Stark Choices in Bleak Economy.” I felt the piece was so acutely on-point in terms of clarity and my personal situation at the time that I composed a rather lengthy email to Mr. Schoen praising him for his efforts.

Mr. Schoen’s article is part of a series called Reinventing America. While I’ve provided you a link to his piece, I’ll list the salient points in broad brushstrokes for you:

1. The collapse of the financial, housing, and job markets is causing the American Dream to disappear and boomers now find themselves in unimaginable, inexplicable straits. Many of us will be working later in life than originally planned at stagnant or decreased compensation levels.

2. In addition to the blow of boomers facing losses in their retirement accounts due to Wall Street’s recent collapse, many are depleting them to meet basic living expenses.

3. Boomers, representing the generation born to post-war families who rejoiced in the “good times that lay ahead,” are experiencing a palpable shift away from similar expectations. Our currently woeful economic climate will last longer than anything we’re used to, forcing many of us to question whether we will ever return to prosperity.

4. Many of us may have already seen our peak earning years surprisingly fade away at a much younger age than ever anticipated.

5. Some job skills are no longer transferrable due to becoming obsolete.

6. Losing our jobs, even under exigent circumstances, has usurped much of our pride and caused people to isolate themselves and not want to reach out for help.

7. Many baby boomers are encountering age discrimination in the course of job-hunting and their experience and advanced skill-sets are not what many cost-conscious employers are seeking.

8. All of this is causing many of us to reinvent ourselves in the pursuit of new careers, and this was not in our original game plan. For many boomers, reinventing oneself is not only difficult, but practically impossible.

9. The financial advice we’ve received during the past couple of decades (investing in the stock market and holding for the long-term, sacrificing to feed your IRA’s and 401 K’s) has come with greater than anticipated risk

10. Anxiety and stress levels have shot through the roof and many of us feel that our upcoming/present “golden years” have become permanently tarnished.

In December 2009 Mr. Schoen wrote another article, “Bleak Job Scene Poses Challenge for Obama.” This article deals with the slight economic recovery coupled with the continuing bleak job outlook that is not likely to dissipate anytime in the near future. I touched on this perplexing phenomenon in a previous post, Calling for George.

Points discussed by Mr. Schoen include:

1. Don’t be fooled by the recent slowing of job losses; any kind of recovery is going to be a long, arduous process…particularly the rehiring of so many displaced workers.

2. The stimulus package is slowly impacting our economy favorably, but lingering questions remain…is it enough or are additional measures by our government needed?/is there much more the government can or should do to stimulate job creation?

3. Unemployment figures are misleading; they do not count discouraged workers (people who have given up looking for a job) or the underemployed. Count these groups and the unemployment figure dramatically rises.

4. The current recession outstrips the previous one in scope.

5. The belief that an increased demand for products and services will give reason for employers to hire is a key impetus behind the extension of unemployment benefits (even though extensions add to our federal debt).

6. Increasing access to credit for small businesses will be a chief component of any recovery, but there is debate over how to best accomplish this, be it through tax cuts or an additional stimulus package.

After reading this article, I once again got in touch with Mr. Schoen. I’m happy to report that Mr. Schoen nicely sent swift replies to both of my emails. I’d like to share some of his thoughts with you.

According to Mr. Schoen, “’Boomers Face Stark Choices…” was one of the toughest stories he’s had to write in 30 years of reporting; in fact a portion of it was autobiographical. Many of the men he spoke to while composing the article had similar feelings to what I had expressed in my reply email, “the deep need to provide for family and a feeling of profound failure when we are no longer able to do so—or at least in a manner we believe we should.”  Mr. Schoen calls this our “cave man” DNA.

Mr. Schoen also stated that “I heard from many couples that the experience has brought them closer together, partly out of necessity. But adversity does force you to ask questions you might not otherwise and forces choices you may have been avoiding. Maybe it’s because most couples who have made it this far come to the realization that they’re not in it for the money.”

Regarding the “Bleak Job Scene Poses Challenge…” article, Mr. Schoen wrote to me acknowledging “since our last correspondence, I had heard from hundreds more 50-somethings who report things are getting worse, not better. Some have burned through savings trying to ‘do the right thing’ by paying off an underwater mortgage, only to lose the house after many months/years trying to get a break from their lender. A few I’ve met are on the verge of homelessness and this prospect seems very real to many more.”

Mr. Schoen has found, however, that many of his readers seem to be moving ahead into this new, unexpected phase in their lives with renewed energy. “They have no choice” said Mr. Schoen. “They feel there’s no sense in letting themselves get depressed and bitter.”

He goes on to say that there is also a wider mood amongst his readers of what he calls “recession  fatigue.” There is a great desire on everyone’s part to see the glass half full, to acknowledge “things are bad but maintain hope that we’re all through the worst and life will be back to normal in a few months or years.” Unfortunately, this yearning seems to be hampering meaningful solutions to very real, persistent problems. The panic is over, but the long-term damage still requires serious repair.

In the end, echoing Mr. Schoen’s thoughts, no matter what happens, we’re all going to be profoundly changed; hopefully it will be for the better.

-Neal

The topic for this post was prompted by one of my recent tweets on Twitter–Sad sign of the times represented by the new oxymoron in financial markets: “jobless recovery;” explain that to the unemployed. No doubt many of you have heard this phrase uttered by various financial pundits, and have read newspaper articles on this subject matter. My hometown paper, The Philadelphia Inquirer, had the following quote from the chief economic strategist of an investment firm in the Business Section of a recent Sunday edition: “What we’re seeing is a validation of the idea that a jobless recovery is perfectly on track.”

If you’re thinking that’s only one example, a locally circulated newspaper in my county, The Intelligencer, in the November 10th edition, lead the Business Section with an article entitled “Dow  jumps 204 to high for year.” Immediately to the left of this headline in the Money Wrap column, the first article was “J&J to lay off 174 in Lower Gwynedd” referring to Johnson & Johnson letting go of 174 employees at its research and development center in Lower Gwynedd, PA as part of its layoff of 8000 workers worldwide.

For the millions of people unemployed or employed but seeking new jobs/careers, this thinking has to hit you in the gut on many levels. If you’re a 50 plus year old male, it’s almost incomprehensible to conceive of a rising stock market while the unemployment levels reach highs not seen in over twenty years, especially considering that the approximate 10% figure currently reported does not include those  of us who are only working part-time or have given up looking for work altogether. Include these economic segments and the 10% unemployment figure almost doubles…

• Now I don’t mean to appear naive in a strict financial sense; obviously it’s all about the dollars. Joel Naroff, a well-known economist, said "…survival meant cutting costs as rapidly as possible and fulfilling orders with the fewest number of workers” in another recent  article on rising productivity and falling employment. It’s a given that controlling the cost-side of the ledger is an integral function of both nascent and well-established employers; but our economy is kidding itself if growth is to continue resulting from only exercising a sharp pencil or through M&A activity…what about organic growth, that is increasing actual sales. This is a surer sign of real growth that can lead to decreased unemployment levels, as companies would hopefully have the basis to expand and hire.

If you’re of that certain age (50 plus), a healthy economy and low unemployment levels always went hand-in-hand. It’s a new world out there that requires a new (not necessarily better in a moral sense) way of thinking.  I alluded to this in my September 24th post “Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks.” Finding work and/or changing careers is particularly challenging for our age group and one of the more demeaning hazards so puzzling to us is the utter lack of courtesy encountered during the job application and interview process.

How many times have any of you dealt with one or all of the following roadblocks:

1. You get an email about a position from a recruiter who has come across your online resume/you reply stating your interest/the recruiter never gets back in touch with you.

2. You reach the first interview stage (now generally done via telephone)/are told you’ll hear from the company re: scheduling a second interview/you never hear from them again even though you’ve appropriately followed-up to the initial interview.

3. You have an in-person interview and come fully prepared, through conducting research on the prospective employer, with a list of pertinent questions that you hope will highlight your appeal/you’re not given a chance to ask all of your items because the interviewer has too many other people to see that day.

4. You just completed what you felt was a terrific initial in-person interview and your interviewer obviously responded in kind because he/she says" “I’ll call you in a couple of days to schedule the next interview so you can also meet (insert other employees of the prospective firm here)”/you again follow-up appropriately, but don’t receive the call or an email, so you continue to follow-up and the interviewer continues to pull a disappearing act…

What has happened to basic common courtesy?! I understand the sheer volume of applicants for a given position may preclude a prospective employer from responding the way they should, but sometimes even an automated response is better than none at all. To all employers I would simply state “try putting yourself on the other side of the equation.” Lack of decency and empathy are sadly the new order of the day, and while reflecting poorly on the prospective employer, I would extrapolate this to society at-large.

George Carlin had an extremely funny, witty routine on oxymorons; I would have loved to heard him riff on “jobless recovery”…

-Neal

The topic for this post is very personal; it details my current career strife. This isn’t, however, the reason I chose to compose this piece.  My purpose is to enlighten you to a resource that may help  your mindset function in a more productive manner if you’re one of the many 50 plus males who have been laid off during the economic crisis and have consequently had to make drastic lifestyle changes.

First, an important note:  I’m not complaining in any way; perspective is key here.  Neets and I have cut back on many expenses, and our financial worries have exacerbated well beyond “normal” levels.  I choose, however, (and I’ll admit, some days it’s a bit difficult) to focus on an oft-stated thought by a respected ex co-worker…”you woke up today, it’s a good day!”  This sounds simplistic, but that’s far from the case.  The reason this reflection doesn’t always resonate as it once did is because it no longer echoes my own daily philosophy of living:  “as long as you’re not part of the first ten minutes of the 11:00 news, it’s a good day.”   Those of us who have faced layoffs are now a crucial ingredient of those first few minutes…

Here’s a suggestion; familiarize yourself with the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series by Robert Kiyosaki.  I’m not proposing this in the vein of becoming a slavish devotee to the latest self-help guru or fad.  Kiyosaki writes from the best perspective of all, personal experience, and many of the tenets he espouses help open up new roads of thought in determining your career path.  All of his maxims focus on the transition to an entrepreneurial  business philosophy and what is mentally and emotionally required to guide you in this pursuit.  He does note that the best way to do this is to keep your full-time job while starting a part-time business, but today’s economic climate makes his mode of thinking apropos to those of us who no longer have this luxury.

The book series has too many insights to discuss in this post, so I’ll mention some of the key general points Kiyosaki outlines that serve as an umbrella over the multitude of specific guidelines:

1. 1.  A reason people are not as successful as they would like to be is simply fear—such as the fear of failing or the fear of making mistakes.

2.  Do not think that all of the stars have to be aligned before starting a business.

3.  Focus on the pursuit of opportunity and don’t be driven by the need for control over resources (look for opportunities even if you don’t have all of the resources you think you need)

4.  Learn to pursue freedom as opposed to security.

5.  Always be an active learner; there’s no such concept as graduation day.

Let’s face it guys, “not exactly the easiest list of items to wrap your mind around” is an understatement.  I’m merely suggesting that a new economic order requires a different way of thinking, even at the 50 plus age level.  I’m the first to shout “but you need to do what it takes to put food on the table and pay the bills.” I’m also now quick to realize that old modes of thought probably won’t cut it anymore in the long run…

(A large portion of the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series is available at your local library, so there is no need for any monetary outlay.  You can also visit the Rich Dad web site for additional information.)

-Neal

I recently read an article written by Michael Smerconish in The Philadelphia Inquirer titled “Eulogizing Flawed Public Figures.”  He writes that with so many well-known public figures having recently passed, we need to take a hard look at how the legacy of some of these people should be judged, given they had troubling shortcomings in their lives that have to be weighed against the immense contributions they provided society. Mr. Smerconish cites Sen. Ted Kennedy and Michael Jackson as examples.

This got me to thinking about how we’re judged by family and friends while we’re living, let alone when we leave this world.  Should our lives be assessed by our value system and sense of altruism? How about our careers and financial status?  Are you the quintessential family man and a friend everyone can count on?  Is a combination of these factors the ideal formula for making your case?  For the 50 plus male, having reached or surpassed the midpoints of our lives, this question of judgment can hit critical mass.

We all have our failings, and  personal inadequacies deserve some measure of thought when we determine the true value of a man.  I’m currently going through a career change that has proven more difficult than I ever dreamed; how much will my lack of success thus far impact how I’m thought of by family and friends against past triumphs?  Have you ever reflected on your personal state of affairs?  What are the elements you would take into account for any sort of self-appraisal; would those you know utilize these same guidelines?

I understand that most people don’t typically deal with this subject until the person in question has died, but as 50 plus males, we’ve lived long enough to provide ample perspective for our lives to this point. I’m reminded of a line spoken by Martin Sheen’s character in one of my favorite movies, Wall Street.  During an elevator ride, he turns to his son in the movie (played by real-life son Charlie Sheen) and says  something along the lines of “what you see is a guy who never measured a man’s success by the size of his wallet!”  It takes someone with seasoning (in this case the father) to impart wisdom to the younger man.

In the end, legacies are a combination of the subjective mixed with the factual.  Each of us has our own idea of the key ingredients for a life lived with meaning and impact.  All I  personally do is try to live each day knowing it will reflect on the true measure of the man…

-Neal