The 50 Plus Male

Last week my Inbox contained an email that  brought a smile to my face.  My barber Ben, who some time ago had the foresight to start a business website to serve as the primary vehicle for his customers to book appointments and provide easy two-way communication access with his clientele, was planning to close early on an upcoming Friday to attend his fiftieth high school reunion.

Next April welcomes my fortieth reunion…the mere thought of forty years having passed since graduation causes me to shake my head in utter disbelief, not dismay mind you, just incredulity as to where the time has gone.  I can only imagine how fifty years is hitting Ben.

My high school’s reunion committee has dutifully remained intact and has provided yeoman service in organizing these class events every five years. My best friend of the past forty-some years, Jeff, is a member of the committee and I’m always kept abreast of the latest reunion news.  I’m proud to say that I’ve attended all but one of these soirees and am a better man for having done so.  I state this for simple, yet essential reasons…

Reunions are thought by some to be trivial in nature, holding no importance other than momentarily reconnecting with only those closest to you during your high school years.  I suggest this avenue of thought does not hold any weight.  A reunion, especially for us 50 plus males (and females) is an indicative milestone, and shouldn’t be regarded as an incidental snobbish milieu, as oft-expressed.  They are a chance to celebrate that “we’re still alive and cooking” and can render emotional and spiritual benefits as a by-product of the surprising magnitude of physical bonding that can take place if you can just let go of any trepidation or reluctance.  Don’t worry about possible recidivist high-school-like behavior; people do mature…so have you.

When I married, my intent was to proudly have my wife accompany me to my reunions.  After attending one function, Neets remarked that I’d probably have a better time without her (definite “code speak” that she was bored, though I made an effort to include Neets in as many introductions and conversations as possible). While I didn’t agree, I have consequently attended the last few reunions solo, and while I yearn for my wife’s company, the exuberance and friendliness I have encountered among my classmates at each reunion has been so remarkable that I now understand what Neets was suggesting…it’s a time for me to truly “live in the moment” and cherish fond memories of years gone by. 

So Ben, I understand the excitement you expressed to me during my last haircut; becoming a golden oldie (which my class will soon discover) is a badge of honor; it sure as hell beats the alternative.  Go forth and celebrate!

-Neal 

The most famous Rat Pack of all time, most 50 plus males would agree, consisted of Frank (Sinatra), Dean (Martin), Sammy (Davis, Jr.), Peter (Lawford) and Joey (Bishop).  They epitomized true friends who lived life to the fullest and “had each other’s backs” at the slightest hint of trouble.  They formed a tight-knit social unit, as best friends should; and while each man may have had many other individually cherished friendships, entry into the Pack was denied to anyone but the five of them.

While the original Rat Pack have all unfortunately passed on, the concept of the Rat Pack has continued to provide the 50 plus male the core of what each of us may consider our most important social circle outside of immediate family.  Whenever I am asked how life has blessed me, my best friendships, all of which are at least 35 years in duration, are near the top of my list.  My Rat Pack is both home grown (I live in a suburb of Philadelphia) and college-based (from my years as a student at Boston University).  My guys have been here in a heartbeat, for both good times and bad, as I have for them.

My intent, by the way, is not to slight any of our wives for some perceived lack of support, but sometimes a guy just needs to speak with “one of the boys” depending on the topic or task at hand…I know women can function the same way too, but male Rat Packs are different than our female counterparts in some crucial ways.  The most obvious, in my opinion, (oh boy am I going to draw some heat for this!) is that men are more quickly forgiving to their Rat Pack brothers for any slight; we just don’t hold grudges because that’s not part of our code.

As we progress through 50 plus years of age, these friendships seem to grow in importance.  I don’t take them for granted, as I sometimes did in my earlier years.  We no longer think of ourselves as invincible, not when other family members, friends, and classmates sadly are no longer with us.  Personally speaking, mere words cannot due justice to the high regard and “love” I have for my guys, and if they ever need me, I’m right here.

-Neal